Our Christmas card this year.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I'm a Mother of Two
Reading through my last posts and it seems like a lifetime away. I am a mommy again. To a beautiful little girl named Kate Elise. Kate is already 8 months old and has turned my life upside down the same way Jane did. She was born the day after Thanksgiving. She has a condition called Congenital Hypothyroidism which landed her in the NICU due to extremely high bilirubin levels a few days after she initially came home from the hospital. You think I was too worried about Jane, eh? Kate's hypothyroidism is easily controlled but at first it was horrifying. While we were in the NICU I lost 20 pounds. In 3 days. It was bad.
But that is all in the past. She is absolutely thriving. Started crawling at 7 months old, she's got 6 teeth, babbles up a storm and smiles ALL THE TIME. She was 9 lbs 3 oz when she was born so she beat Jane by 3 oz. She's a chunky little thing born with a head full of dark hair that is now turning blonde. Blue eyes. She adores her sister, Jane.
Jane did extremely well and is still doing extremely well with being a big sister. The nights I was in the hospital and then the NICU with Kate I didn't see Jane at all. That was terribly hard on me. I cried about missing Jane and feeling guilty a lot. Jane suffered, but she did great with her Grandma and Grandpa. She's a trooper. She'll be going to preschool this fall. Two days a week for 3 hours at a time. Then she will go back to Miss Marie's (who is excellent...I doubted her before, but we really do like her now) for the rest of the day. I am still working 3 days a week. Mom watches Kate for those 3 days but Jane goes to Miss Marie's.
I love my life and my children but to say it is hectic is an understatement. I am incredibly stressed out with having two beautiful little girls who depend on me for everything. They are both so young right now that I get NO time to myself. I know this is fleeting. I am in a very tough yet wonderful period in my life. I am trying to enjoy it but just keeping the household together is so hard. We've done well this summer getting out a lot (relatively speaking). I get overwhelmed A LOT though. Stopped my Zoloft again. Didn't think it was helping.
We're putting the house on the market soon. My dad had back surgery 3 weeks ago. DH is getting his master's degree (against my wishes). Jane will also be going to dance one night a week starting soon. It's life and a lot is going on but I am enjoying it...mostly.
I ADORE MY TWO GIRLS.
But that is all in the past. She is absolutely thriving. Started crawling at 7 months old, she's got 6 teeth, babbles up a storm and smiles ALL THE TIME. She was 9 lbs 3 oz when she was born so she beat Jane by 3 oz. She's a chunky little thing born with a head full of dark hair that is now turning blonde. Blue eyes. She adores her sister, Jane.
Jane did extremely well and is still doing extremely well with being a big sister. The nights I was in the hospital and then the NICU with Kate I didn't see Jane at all. That was terribly hard on me. I cried about missing Jane and feeling guilty a lot. Jane suffered, but she did great with her Grandma and Grandpa. She's a trooper. She'll be going to preschool this fall. Two days a week for 3 hours at a time. Then she will go back to Miss Marie's (who is excellent...I doubted her before, but we really do like her now) for the rest of the day. I am still working 3 days a week. Mom watches Kate for those 3 days but Jane goes to Miss Marie's.
I love my life and my children but to say it is hectic is an understatement. I am incredibly stressed out with having two beautiful little girls who depend on me for everything. They are both so young right now that I get NO time to myself. I know this is fleeting. I am in a very tough yet wonderful period in my life. I am trying to enjoy it but just keeping the household together is so hard. We've done well this summer getting out a lot (relatively speaking). I get overwhelmed A LOT though. Stopped my Zoloft again. Didn't think it was helping.
We're putting the house on the market soon. My dad had back surgery 3 weeks ago. DH is getting his master's degree (against my wishes). Jane will also be going to dance one night a week starting soon. It's life and a lot is going on but I am enjoying it...mostly.
I ADORE MY TWO GIRLS.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Thursday, 6/16/11
Grandma is still on vacation. Here is my e-mail to her tonight:
Jane was so sweet this evening. She was in such a good, HAPPY mood. We clipped the end of her second to last tucky. She got the sad face and cried a little but we threw it away together and she didn't ask for it while we were in bed!
She's listening to the stories in books more now. We have been reading Baby Dear and she requests it by name. "Mommy we read Baby Dear now?" She really likes it.
Our goodnight routine took about an hour but it was so funny to just sit and listen to her. She was so happily wound up. She would sing different songs, "if you're sad say boo hoo. BOO HOO! if you're happy say hooray. HOORAY!" The way she says "round and round" for wheels on the bus is UH-doe-bul! She even does the hand motions to match. She was just jabbering and singing away and oh she melts my heart. At one point when she knew I was getting serious about going to sleep she started falling asleep too. I noticed her eyes opening and closing and I couldn't help myself so I kissed her right on the mouth/cheek. After that she did it to ME about 2-3 times, very shyly (or slyly) waving at me. She fell asleep shortly after that.
OH my goodness I am so in love with this beautiful, happy little girl.
She told me tomorrow that she didn't want me to stay home with her, but she wanted to go to Miss Marie's. :)
She also told us that she had to go to timeout today but we can't figure out what for. Lol. She could be making that up, but I don't know.
She's the happiest kid on the block for sure. And I am the happiest mommy.
Jane was so sweet this evening. She was in such a good, HAPPY mood. We clipped the end of her second to last tucky. She got the sad face and cried a little but we threw it away together and she didn't ask for it while we were in bed!
She's listening to the stories in books more now. We have been reading Baby Dear and she requests it by name. "Mommy we read Baby Dear now?" She really likes it.
Our goodnight routine took about an hour but it was so funny to just sit and listen to her. She was so happily wound up. She would sing different songs, "if you're sad say boo hoo. BOO HOO! if you're happy say hooray. HOORAY!" The way she says "round and round" for wheels on the bus is UH-doe-bul! She even does the hand motions to match. She was just jabbering and singing away and oh she melts my heart. At one point when she knew I was getting serious about going to sleep she started falling asleep too. I noticed her eyes opening and closing and I couldn't help myself so I kissed her right on the mouth/cheek. After that she did it to ME about 2-3 times, very shyly (or slyly) waving at me. She fell asleep shortly after that.
OH my goodness I am so in love with this beautiful, happy little girl.
She told me tomorrow that she didn't want me to stay home with her, but she wanted to go to Miss Marie's. :)
She also told us that she had to go to timeout today but we can't figure out what for. Lol. She could be making that up, but I don't know.
She's the happiest kid on the block for sure. And I am the happiest mommy.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I Miss Her - Common Thursday Theme
I really, really miss Jane today. I left her at Miss Marie’s this morning and I just feel uneasy about it. #1, the kiddie pool had water in it this morning. Marie told me she emptied it after every use. I do not care that she left water in the pool. It’s totally fine with me if Jane gets in this water. It’s just that Miss Marie told me she does otherwise. What else is she misleading me about? #2, she nonchalantly told me that she gave Jane one of another kid’s Puffs the other day. It’s fine to give her a Puff. She can have Puffs. BUT, she isn’t supposed to have ANY food I don’t send with her. Gerber Puffs have a huge list of ingredients. I know she didn’t read through all of them to make sure egg wasn’t listed. What else is she giving her? Is she giving her food she is allergic to? And I am mad at myself because I didn't even say anything to her. I should have. I just felt like it was awkward timing. Now it's going to be even more awkward when I bring it up NEXT Tuesday, if I even do. I'm chicken shit.
Why is childcare so hard?
And when I left I was in a bit of a hurry and Jane so sweetly waved bye to me and I just feel like I didn’t get a proper hug and a kiss and this has thrown my entire day off so far. I just can’t convey to anyone how in love I am with my kid. I am assuming other mothers understand, but it always catches me off guard how much I love this little girl. When I see her after I’ve left her for a while it is the biggest sense of relief. She is such a site for sore eyes, I physically feel it in my stomach. At night, when I lie down next to her in bed I squeeze her little legs, I stare at her, and kiss her sweet cheeks for probably 30 minutes before I can even consider falling asleep myself. She has become my entire reason for existence. Is that healthy? I don’t care. It’s the way things are.
Miss Marie told DH the other day about what a joy it is to watch Jane. This was an unsolicited bit of information too. Jane is so GOOD and sweet. She has not once had a timeout. Even if she were the timeout queen I would still adore her, but I have to brag. She is the best! Miss Marie even says so. ;)
Why is childcare so hard?
And when I left I was in a bit of a hurry and Jane so sweetly waved bye to me and I just feel like I didn’t get a proper hug and a kiss and this has thrown my entire day off so far. I just can’t convey to anyone how in love I am with my kid. I am assuming other mothers understand, but it always catches me off guard how much I love this little girl. When I see her after I’ve left her for a while it is the biggest sense of relief. She is such a site for sore eyes, I physically feel it in my stomach. At night, when I lie down next to her in bed I squeeze her little legs, I stare at her, and kiss her sweet cheeks for probably 30 minutes before I can even consider falling asleep myself. She has become my entire reason for existence. Is that healthy? I don’t care. It’s the way things are.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I Miss Her
I miss Jane. I miss her all day long every day that I am at work. Sometimes it physically hurts me I miss her so much. (And yet, when I get home, I immediately look forward to bedtime.) She loves going to the sitter, Miss Marie. I'm a little uneasy about the sitter. I trust the woman but there are things I don't like. #1, She's a smoker. She doesn't smoke in the house and Jane never come home reeking, but she sometimes have this vague smell of cigarettes about her. It's VERY vague. I am the cigarette nazi. I can sniff out a cigarette miles away. So this really isn't that bad. I should probably just get over this. The house doesn't smell like smoke either. #2, During the summer she has the kids play in pools. Jane will only ever be in a kiddie pool, under (supposedly) constant supervision. The big kids get in the big pool with life jackets. She empties the kiddie pool when they are done and removes the ladder from the big (above ground about 3-4 feet) pool so no kid can escape and get in the big pool while she isn't watching. Her safety measures are good, but you still wonder how safe it can be. I sometimes wish I wasn't so ultra-concerned about everything. OK, I often wish this. I mean, our parents grew up swimming in the river with no life jacket, eating lead-paint based toys, in asbestos filled houses. They made it. I had the rusted through wagon, the choking hazard REAL Little People, I walked to the park and swimming pool unaccompanied by an adult by the third grade, etc. I made it too. We are probably TOO safe nowadays, but you still have to worry. I think we are too informed nowadays. Whenever a kid drowns or some horrible accident happens, we hear about it via e-mail, the internet, the news, etc. Each time a child is missing you hear about it 24/7. I know these things happen, but they are still so rare. Back in the "old days" it wasn't this way. I think the "old days" were better in this aspect. I take each bit of bad information to mean, THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME.
Oh and back to why I don't like the sitter. #3, She has a dog. I don't know WHY this bothers me. I really don't. It's a harmless old poodle. Jane doesn't like the dog. She's afraid of it. I guess that's why I don't like it. #4 I'm afraid she watches too many kids during the summer. That is one thing I am definitely going to check out. If there are too many kids, we will look elsewhere.
So, I wonder...would I feel this way about EVERY sitter? Would I find something to be uneasy about everywhere we go? I am good at finding the negative. I am good at worrying.
The good things about the sitter:
1. She caters to Jane's food allergies. Jane eats up in the highchair so I know she's not going to stealing food off of another kid's plate or something like that. This is very good. This was one of my TOP worries before we found Miss Marie.
2. Jane LOVES going there. The other day when I got home from work, she didn't come running to see me, she didn't smile or anything. She just said very seriously, "I need to go back Miss Marie's house."
3. She tells us a lot about Jane's day. How long she napped, if she pooped, cute little tidbits and things she did.
4. She sends all of our stuff back to us clean. All food dishes are returned washed. Jane's bib, which is rarely dirty, is folded up in a plastic bag.
5. She puts OUR sunscreen on Jane (Jane breaks out to "other" stuff) without complaint. I think she just sprays all of the other kids down with the same stuff.
6. Jane comes home happy. She never does things which make us wonder if she's being hurt, neglected or abused in any way. She has actually benefited from going. She comes home and can count, do ABC's, and loves to show us the games she's learned.
7. Miss Marie is very close to our house. She charges only $25 a day, she's ALWAYS "open for business", and she is very flexible with our part-time schedule.
8. Jane will actually nap for her (about 50% of the time). I'm glad for this. I was afraid she would never nap for anybody but someone whose hair she was playing with at the time.
I am just trying to talk myself into "outside" childcare. I even miss Jane when she's with my own mother. I still worry about her then too.
When I have this baby, I am going back on Zoloft IMMEDIATELY. Maybe that will take the edge off of my worrying. I mean, I know every mother worries endlessly about her children, but sometimes I think mine is a touch too much.
Oh and back to why I don't like the sitter. #3, She has a dog. I don't know WHY this bothers me. I really don't. It's a harmless old poodle. Jane doesn't like the dog. She's afraid of it. I guess that's why I don't like it. #4 I'm afraid she watches too many kids during the summer. That is one thing I am definitely going to check out. If there are too many kids, we will look elsewhere.
So, I wonder...would I feel this way about EVERY sitter? Would I find something to be uneasy about everywhere we go? I am good at finding the negative. I am good at worrying.
The good things about the sitter:
1. She caters to Jane's food allergies. Jane eats up in the highchair so I know she's not going to stealing food off of another kid's plate or something like that. This is very good. This was one of my TOP worries before we found Miss Marie.
2. Jane LOVES going there. The other day when I got home from work, she didn't come running to see me, she didn't smile or anything. She just said very seriously, "I need to go back Miss Marie's house."
3. She tells us a lot about Jane's day. How long she napped, if she pooped, cute little tidbits and things she did.
4. She sends all of our stuff back to us clean. All food dishes are returned washed. Jane's bib, which is rarely dirty, is folded up in a plastic bag.
5. She puts OUR sunscreen on Jane (Jane breaks out to "other" stuff) without complaint. I think she just sprays all of the other kids down with the same stuff.
6. Jane comes home happy. She never does things which make us wonder if she's being hurt, neglected or abused in any way. She has actually benefited from going. She comes home and can count, do ABC's, and loves to show us the games she's learned.
7. Miss Marie is very close to our house. She charges only $25 a day, she's ALWAYS "open for business", and she is very flexible with our part-time schedule.
8. Jane will actually nap for her (about 50% of the time). I'm glad for this. I was afraid she would never nap for anybody but someone whose hair she was playing with at the time.
I am just trying to talk myself into "outside" childcare. I even miss Jane when she's with my own mother. I still worry about her then too.
When I have this baby, I am going back on Zoloft IMMEDIATELY. Maybe that will take the edge off of my worrying. I mean, I know every mother worries endlessly about her children, but sometimes I think mine is a touch too much.
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