You are not the Biggest Loser

My work is doing "The Biggest Loser". There is a female division and a male division and the winner of each group gets $500. The winner is whoever loses the greatest percentage of weight. So, I am doing it. We weighed in last week and will weigh in again in early February and finally around the 1st of March. I thought I would easily win this thing, but now I am not so sure. A lot of the women purposely drank a lot of water before they weighed in the first time so that they'd have a higher starting weight. I was honest, and probably the only one. I'm really discouraged by this.

Plus, I have been following Weight Watchers to the tee for 2 weeks now and have only lost 2 pounds. I have been meticulously counting every calorie I put into my mouth. I am very frustrated, of course. It's going to be very embarrassing when my starting weight is only like 3 pounds more than my final weigh in.

I just don't know what to do. Several different girls have recently told me in secret that they weigh something like 130 or 140 pounds, like it is such a bad thing. I just feel really bad about myself when people do that. And then you tell them, well I weigh xxx pounds. Then they say, "but YOU aren't fat!" Ha ha...if I weigh 25-40 pounds MORE than they do and am the same height and they say they are disgustingly fat, then what does that make me?! If they honestly don't think I am fat (not likely), they have a terrible body image problem going on.

Note to all girls across America: Don't tell a friend who weighs more than you do that you are disgusted with your weight unless you are willing to admit that they have weight issues too. It's just dumb. It's a lie and you know it.

I guess I need to accept the fact that I weigh what I do. Sometimes I am fine with this. Other times not so much. Now is one of those times. Sometimes I just want to be smoking hot. Is that so bad?

Green is not a pretty color on me

It has been exactly one year since I had my miscarriage. Now when I see pregnant women I get angry. People are having babies all around me like it's just the easiest thing in the world to do. I am jealous. I am sad. I am worried.

I think I have aptly named my blog.