What is good in my world

1. My husband
2. My future child, even if she refuses to remove her feet and/or butt from my ribcage.
3. We are getting new mini blinds installed soon! I may be way too excited about this.
4. Barack Obama is our President.
5. My sister is engaged.
6. My friends...I finally feel secure enough in myself to actually HAVE friends that I don't dislike. (I hope I never have to go back to high school.)
7. My mom
8. This economy isn't really affecting us all that much. We both have stable jobs and are living comfortably (for now...wait until I see just how much babies cost)
9. Lost - I don't care if it's lame to like a TV show so much. This show gets me through my weeks!
10. I like where I live.
11. Springtime!!!!!!!!
12. Destin 2010

1 more month. 4 weeks. 30 days.

So, baby is no longer breech. Ha ha...pretty cool! According to the chiropractor she turned after just three sessions. I am actually pretty skeptical about this. She seems to be in the same position she's been in for months. I think he was wrong the first time. She was never breech. Whatever though...I am still going to see him. He does help with back pain and has started to help some with the rib pain I have been having. Plus, many women swear that these chiropractic sessions helped shorten and ease their labors. I can't ignore that. I will try anything!

I had my baby showers. YAY!!! I got so much stuff it's unreal. I (almost) feel guilty for accepting so many gifts from people. When I first started my registry I was overwhelmed at the amount of money we were going to have to spend to just get ready for Jane's arrival. Well, turns out we got nearly everything on our registry and then some. It's humbling to have such great friends, family and co-workers. At my "real" shower, where I invited my friends and family, I had the best time. Almost everyone I invited (with the exception of Jeremy's family) came to the shower! I've never felt like I've had many friends in my life, but seeing the turnout made me feel so grateful. I felt "loved", which is a weird feeling for me. I had dear friends come in from Nashville, others from Indiana, Louisville, Lexington and Paris (KY). It's weird to think that people TRAVELLED just to come to my shower for a few hours. I am so lucky. I mean, seriously...it's ridiculous how lucky I am. I shall not take it for granted!!

So as the title of my blog goes, Jane's due date is in just 30 days. That's a little daunting. It seems really soon, but also still quite far away. I'm begining to worry (of course) now about stupid things. Like what if Jane is a BOY?! Eek, no I can't handle that. What if she has a birthmark on her face that causes her to be ridiculed? What if during labor there is a cord accident and she is hurt? What if something really bad happens? Ugh, I shudder to even think about it. I know in all likelihood I will end up with a healthy and beautiful baby girl, but I hate the unknown. It's what has kept me in a perpetual state of almost panic my entire adult life.

Please Gods, let Jane be like her father. I don't want her inheriting my anxiety. I do want her to be left-handed like me though. ;) ha ha...

In the meantime I am trying to find things to occupy myself. There isn't really much I can do now. I am going to another friend's baby shower this weekend. The next week I will go to a surprise birthday party for a friend (at a bar...hmm...how will THAT look?). And, as always, I have Lost to keep the weeks moving along. Plus, Green Day is coming out with a new album on May 15. That means baby Jane will start her life rocking out to some undoubtedly great tunes.

I'm also trying to figure out a way I can not be so selfish. I feel like "me me me me me me" all the time these days. I don't like it, but I guess in a time like this I have a lot going on and find it hard to focus on much else but myself. I find it annoying though. Oh well, c'est ma vie.

I don't like the "real" problems

Scare #1459: Baby is breech

Scare #1460: I have bacterial vaginosis

Lovely. On antibiotics for BV and seeing a chiropractor in hopes of getting Jane to turn.

Real problems stink. I want my fake problems back.

Surprise! Everything's fine...

So, yeah....

Got my blood test results back. Everything is cool. (blush). HOWEVER, I did have one liver enzyme that was slightly elevated, so they retested that and now I am waiting on that set of bloodwork to come back. Doctor doesn't think it's a problem. He scheduled my next appointment for 2 weeks, so that means I am a "normal" patient at this point. That's a good thing.

I am relieved. I certainly didn't want Preeclampsia or Cholestasis. And I have no new crises to report at the moment, believe it or not.

Now I am just freaking uncomfortable! I mean, I have 7 weeks to go and boy am I hurting. I hate to complain about being pregnant, but I'm ready to meet my baby girl already. Everyone told me that the last 2 months are pretty uncomfortable but I was sure my bliss at being pregnant would get me through. Yes, I am still horribly happy about being pregnant, but...
I have horrendous heartburn.
I can't get comfortable in bed and it takes me about 2-3 hours to fall asleep.
My stomach at the top where my uterus ends is just kind of painful all the time.
I get kicked in the ribcage a lot these days (I actually love this, but it can be uncomfortable).
I can't get off the couch without the aid of my husband and all the strength he can muster.

OK, done complaining.

Now, I just need to admit that I am becoming one of "those moms" already. I can't think of anything other than being pregnant and having a baby. I didn't want to be this way. I wanted to keep my own personal interests and my own life outside of baby. I guess it's kind of hard to do that when you are a house for another human being. It's a little bit consuming, and I have a good excuse: my brain is literally shrinking.

Hypochondria 101

Well, pretty much everyone who reads my blog already knows that I am crazy. So I am gonna lay it all out there today. I need to write this down and come back and look at it from time to time to get some perspective...these are my pregnancy scares to date:

1. Spotting at 12 weeks - went to ER scared to death of another miscarriage. Well, this one I don't blame myself for. Considering my miscarriage started with a tiny bit of spotting, no wonder I was freaked out. I thank my lucky stars that this was the only time I have spotted during my pregnancy and that it turned out to be simply nothing and very short-lived. That was the first time that we got to see our little girl bouncing around on the ultrasound machine. And she actually looked human with legs and arms and all of that. It was amazing. I cried. Hmm...at the time we thought Jane was a boy, thanks to an inept ultrasound tech.

2. Started getting this weird ringing in my ears probably around 17-ish weeks. It was driving me crazy. I could hear my heart beating in my right ear for several hours out of the day. Well, of course I Googled it and got scared out of my mind. I found two women who had this exact same symptom and ended up with Bells Palsy during the last months of their pregnancy. I thought I was doomed. Preeclampsia was also a concern with this symptom, even though most women don't get Pre-e until they are late in their third trimesters. I even mentioned this to my doctor (in passing) and he basically said he didn't know what was causing the ear ringing. Eventually it went away. I would say this lasted 2 weeks. I was nuts while it lasted though. This was one of those things that I was really scared about. I'm so glad it stopped.

3. At the end of November I got this horrible pain in my lower right side. It was a burning/searing pain and lasted for maybe 30 minutes. A few days later it happened again. I really didn't know what it could be, but it definitely scared me. I called my Ob-Gyn's office and talked to the nurse. She said it could be something with my gallbladder or appendix (uh...I didn't think so, but...). She scheduled me for an ultrasound of my gallbladder. Instead, I went to see my regular doctor to have my urine checked for a possible UTI. Turned out that I did not have a UTI. But I did have ketones in my urine and my blood pressure was high. Apparently ketones in your urine mean that your body is dehydrated or that you are in "starvation mode" and burning fat. My blood pressure being high had to be a fluke. I was REALLY nervous, so maybe that had something to do with it. So from that point on I started eating more often and trying to drink more water. I also got ketone test strips from our local drug store. (That was probably a bad idea.) Well, in the end, this turned out to be a bunch of nothing. I only had those two incidents of pain and since then I've been fine on that front. I now assume it was just my ligaments stretching to accomodate my growing uterus.

4. Right after Christmas (23 weeks) I started getting this horrible pain below my sternum. It was pretty bad. After a while, I couldn't even sleep on my sides. It felt like my sternum/rib cage was being crushed by the weight of my shoulders. I even had to miss work because of this. I mean, I just couldn't sleep!! So I went to my regular doctor (saw a nurse practitioner) and they did an EKG. The RNP comes back in after she got the results and said something was off. PANIC!!!! She faxed the EKG over to a cardiologist in town and he said, no it is fine. Um...OK. That isn't what a hypochondriac needs. I called my Ob-Gyn. He said get a second opinion. I did. That EKG did come back completely normal and I was diagnosed with Costochondritis (inflammation of the chest wall) and was told that it just had to go away on its own and there was nothing I could do about it. Well, it kept getting worse. I was desperate for relief. I went to a Chiropractor and he basically cured me within one visit. I couldn't believe it! Now, I did have a soreness that lasted another month, but the unbearable pain was gone.

5. One morning I woke up and while I was in the shower I noticed that my vision was really weird out of my right eye. This was around 27 weeks. I kept seeing these little wavy lines in my peripheral vision. I freaked out because vision problems are often a symptom of Preeclampsia. I ran to take my blood pressure. It was high!!!! Called the nurse and she scheduled me for an appointment to see their RN (the same one who was a total bitch when I had my miscarriage). Went in to see her and they checked my urine for protein (preeclampsia thing) and my BP. All was fine. She wrote it off to a migraine. I did get a headache later that day, but it wasn't bad. Since then, nothing else with my vision has been off. False alarm.

6. 29 weeks and one night I felt like I was having contractions all night long. Called the doctor, they saw me and checked me. Everything was fine. False alarm again. Possible Braxton Hicks.

7. The dreaded stomach virus! This was just a couple of weeks ago when I was 30 weeks. This was truly legit.

8. 31 weeks and I break out into hives. This is where I am now (see prior blog entry) - waiting for those blood test results to see if I have Cholestasis (ICP) or Preeclampsia. For now, this problem is still legit in my mind. I am freaking out over bubbles in my urine (ha ha...yes, that's right) and some upper right quadrant pain which are both signs of Pre-e. The bubbly urine can mean I am leaking protein (bad). Good news is the itching is no longer here and my blood pressure is normal too. Next appointment is Friday and I can't wait for it. I just want to know NOW. I need some peace of mind. I need reassurance that this latest episode was yet another false alarm. For now, even after rehashing all of those little incidents that have occurred to date, I still cannot be soothed or convinced that perhaps this will turn out to be nothing just like the rest.

So.....I have had a lot of false alarms this pregnancy. All of these weird things happen to your body when you are pregnant and it's hard to know if it's considered normal or not. I have had more "mini panics" that are just too numerous to even write about. And when I first got pregnant I told myself that if I could just make it past my miscarriage date from the last time, that I would not worry. I would just let it be. Boy, did I not follow through on that promise. I just hope that my anxiety and stress have not negatively affected this baby and her growth. I really do try to be sane and rational, but I never seem to pull it off. Worrying like I do takes a toll on a person. It just drains you.

I really wish I could be laid back. I wish I could just roll with the punches. I envy everyone who can.

3rd Trimester not a good one so far

Last Thursday night I started itching. BAD itching. So bad that later that night I had broken out into hives all over my body. Next day I call the doctor. He wants to see me later that day. Meanwhile, I had been researching itching during pregnancy and actually came up with some pretty scary things. Damn Google! Itching sounds pretty benign. I mean, in all odds you would just think I came into contact with something that didn't agree with me. Well, the hypochondriac in me just cannot accept that. It has to be something serious.

So I get to the doctor fully expecting him to tell me I'm crazy and to relax and take some Benadryl. Well, he didn't. He actually confirmed my worst fear. He said that what HE was worried about was the exact same thing I had found online: Cholestasis of Pregnancy. I won't go into what it is, but it's very rare. The only real symptom that most people experience is generalized itching all over their bodies. It is not harmful to mommy, but it IS harmful to baby and can result in FETAL DEATH. Yeah, so now you can see why I am panicked. So he did some bloodwork to see if I actually have this. I won't know the results until this Friday.

Not only did I have that to deal with, but I had protein in my urine and an elevated blood pressure (elevated for me at least), plus ketones and leukocytes in my urine too. Doctor said that could be the start of Preeclampsia (ALSO not good for baby!!!). So needless to say, I am simply one huge basketcase since that appointment. I did get the results from some of that bloodwork back on Saturday and the nurse told me it was "basically normal" and that I didn't have Preeclampsia. Well, I should be relieved by that, but I am not. I don't know what "basically" normal means. I will get details on Friday from my doctor. This nurse didn't even know what I was being tested for in the first place and it's like I am asking to talk to God when I ask them to have a doctor call me. That just doesn't happen.

So now I am monitoring my blood pressure. It's normal. And I am testing for ketones in my urine (I have test strips at home. Don't ask...) and those tests have all come up negative. I have since not had any itching either, so that is a good sign too. I am hoping that maybe last Thursday/Friday was just a complete fluke and that everything really is fine. I have gone through countless scares this pregnancy with weird little things happening that later turn up to be nothing. I hope this is one of those times.

But let me just say, the thought of losing my baby girl right now is just terrifying. That simply cannot happen. She has to be OK.