I rocked with her like that for over an hour and it felt like a few minutes. I could have stayed in that moment forever. This is the stuff of love songs.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
These are the moments to treasure.
I'm rocking Jane to sleep after a particularly fussy night. She finally calms down while we listen to some Beethoven and rock in the recliner in the dark. She sucks my finger for a while and then slowly drifts off into the wonderful world of baby sleep. It starts to lightning and thunder and I realize that this moment is perhaps the single greatest moment of my life. Rocking her, hearing her breath, feeling the weight of her little body on mine, listening to the soothing music and thunder, watching the lightning, looking around her little room. Loving her so much it hurts.
Friday, July 17, 2009
It's cool to be me.
A lot has been going on in the short time I have been away from my blog. Not just with me and my family, but with my friends too. It seems like each of my friends has something big going on right now. The unexpected: proposals, divorce, pregnancy, layoffs. Friends are moving, getting married, getting divorced, falling in love...a lot is going on. I find it weird because for YEARS nobody I knew had anything going on. I guess once you reach a certain age things are going to happen, both bad and wonderful. I must say, it does give my husband and I something to talk about other than Jane. We wish the best for everyone. Mainly, I just wish that everyone could be as happy and content in their life as I am.
Jane continues to be the sweetest thing on the planet. She is my single great accomplishment in life for sure. Love isn't quite the word to use for what you feel for your child. It's bigger than that. It chokes you and can make you feel as though you are suffocating. Sometimes I feel like it's too much and that I can't take it; don't want it. With love comes the fear of loss and THAT is simply unfathomable. It's the most wonderful, excrutiating, acute condition. Well, I really can't put it into words, but it grows stronger every day that I am with Jane. She is all that is good in the world. Precious was a word invented solely to describe babies. More specifically my sweet baby Jane. ;)
She has already grown so much and every day she discovers something new. You can just see her brain working right now as she responds to her surroundings. She has a plastic lion that she loves to look at, smile at, and talk to. She also has discovered that the clock on our wall is fascinating and will hold serious conversations with it. If you interupt she sometimes grows angry. It is so sweet. She is the happiest in the mornings (so not like her Mommy) and just squeals and grunts in delight at the mobile in her crib. She loves to go outside with Grandma and look at the flowers. She has three teeth coming in (VERY EARLY) and has been drooling a lot. She sucks both of her fists, trying to get at her thumbs, often unsuccessfully. She has found her hands and will now swat at her toys that hang off her bouncy seat. She still hates tummy time, but will tolerate it if the lion is with her, guiding her (lol). She is the light of her Mommy and Daddy's lives. She is so much work but worth every second of it.
A lot of people told me that once you have a baby you will forget what you did before they arrived. Well, I remember what I did. I slept a lot. Watched TV. Went out to eat. Got bored on the weekends. Occasionally wnet out and had a good time with my girlfriends. I remember for sure. But what I cannot fathom now is my life without Jane. What would I have done had she not "enlightened" me? It would have been an empty life for me. I would have always wondered. I am so glad she's here. The first few weeks at home with her were rough, but my hormones have balanced and I am disgustingly happy. I no longer need my Zoloft! Yes, I am still a bit neurotic, but anxious and depressed aren't on the radar right now.
Jane continues to be the sweetest thing on the planet. She is my single great accomplishment in life for sure. Love isn't quite the word to use for what you feel for your child. It's bigger than that. It chokes you and can make you feel as though you are suffocating. Sometimes I feel like it's too much and that I can't take it; don't want it. With love comes the fear of loss and THAT is simply unfathomable. It's the most wonderful, excrutiating, acute condition. Well, I really can't put it into words, but it grows stronger every day that I am with Jane. She is all that is good in the world. Precious was a word invented solely to describe babies. More specifically my sweet baby Jane. ;)
She has already grown so much and every day she discovers something new. You can just see her brain working right now as she responds to her surroundings. She has a plastic lion that she loves to look at, smile at, and talk to. She also has discovered that the clock on our wall is fascinating and will hold serious conversations with it. If you interupt she sometimes grows angry. It is so sweet. She is the happiest in the mornings (so not like her Mommy) and just squeals and grunts in delight at the mobile in her crib. She loves to go outside with Grandma and look at the flowers. She has three teeth coming in (VERY EARLY) and has been drooling a lot. She sucks both of her fists, trying to get at her thumbs, often unsuccessfully. She has found her hands and will now swat at her toys that hang off her bouncy seat. She still hates tummy time, but will tolerate it if the lion is with her, guiding her (lol). She is the light of her Mommy and Daddy's lives. She is so much work but worth every second of it.
A lot of people told me that once you have a baby you will forget what you did before they arrived. Well, I remember what I did. I slept a lot. Watched TV. Went out to eat. Got bored on the weekends. Occasionally wnet out and had a good time with my girlfriends. I remember for sure. But what I cannot fathom now is my life without Jane. What would I have done had she not "enlightened" me? It would have been an empty life for me. I would have always wondered. I am so glad she's here. The first few weeks at home with her were rough, but my hormones have balanced and I am disgustingly happy. I no longer need my Zoloft! Yes, I am still a bit neurotic, but anxious and depressed aren't on the radar right now.
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