Saturday, December 8, 2007

Sad

Our family dog is going to be put to sleep on Monday morning. This is sad news. I loved Spooky. DH and I even dog sat her for an entire year while my parents were building their new house. She is a good dog. She's 16 years old. Blind and deaf and probably in quite a bit of pain from arthritis, plus her teeth are all rotting out. It is the best for us to let her go. I will not go and say goodbye to her. I can't. I recently had that experience with my beloved cat, Remmy, and I just am not strong enough to withstand it another time. I will just chose to remember Spooky's good times. She used to get so excited that she couldn't stand it. All she knew how to do was to run around the yard in figure eights for like 30 minutes at a time. She'd get really low to the ground and just fly. Sometimes she'd nose a soccer ball around with her in those figure eights too. She was a good soccer player. In the summer my parents would always get her sheared. She looked so funny without all of her fur. I would laugh at her forever and she never could seem to figure out why. She was a hunter. She's killed tons of rabbits and birds and even a stray ground hog or two I believe. But she never tried to hurt a cat. We don't know why. I guess she just knew that they were off limits. She was good with cats. They bothered her to death but she never snipped at them. Not even once. Mutts are always the best dogs. So good natured and so gentle. I will miss her when she's gone.

Ho ho ho and mistletoe and presents for pretty girls...

It's Christmastime! I like shopping during this time of year. Well, I like shopping ANY time of the year, but this time is more festive, what with the lights and grumpy shoppers, fender benders, screaming snotty kids and Christmas carols. I take more of a consumerism approach towards the holiday, but still, I like the idea of it. I enjoy buying presents for my closest friends and family. It makes me feel good to buy gifts for people. It's majorly fun when you get a gift for someone just knowing that they will LOVE it. Or when you see something and think that is SO (insert name here)! Of course, I always end up buying more for myself than anyone else, but I'm just doing my part in boosting the economy, really.

Next weekend it's off to visit one side of my DH's family for Christmas. I can't say that I am looking forward to it. I bought my nieces gifts, but I am unsure what to do for the rest of the family. There is no set tradition with this family. Some years gifts are exchanged and some years they are not. It is left up to me to use my ESP skills to determine whether this year will be a gift-giving year or not. Oh yeah, I don't have any ESP skills. Drat! Giving gifts to people I do not know is not my cup of tea.

I got one niece this cute little girl's make-up kit and when I get home I see that it says not for use in children under 8. My niece is 3. Wonderful. She's still getting it. And the other niece I will be meeting for the first time. She's 4 months old and I don't think she cares about stuffed elephants, but that's what she's getting. It's appropriately marked for children under 6 months. Phew.

This time of year usually means extra pounds gained. But not this year, no sirree. Last week was week one on Weight Watchers for me. I lost 2.5 pounds even while being at my work's annual conference for most of the week surrounded by free food and booze. And then this week it all went to hell. I erroneously convinced myself that I was pregnant (another story) and was a little lax with the eating so I gained 1/2 pound back. That is OK. I am on my way down. This is good news. May week 3 be another week of loss. I went to the gym today for the first time in quite a while. It felt good. I was the only girl there! I came home and told my husband that I was the prettiest girl in the gym today. ;) Soon, I am going to start going to Zumba dance classes, which is kind of intimidating. A new friend of mine from work has a friend who teaches classes so I told her I'd go with her to them. I'm excited about that. Mainly about having a new friend at work more so than the aerobics class.

I have no closing paragraph. But I feel I should say something here. This is such an abrupt way to end my blog.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Thanksgiving? I think not.

Last Saturday was the first time in a long time that I have truly been depressed. This sounds terrible, I suppose, but I felt sorry for myself for so many reasons. I was sick of being grateful for what I have. Sick of trying to be positive. The old me was shining through and I embraced it. I cried, I pouted, I yelled, I threw things. It was kind of fun, to be honest. I missed several days of my anti-depressant and self pity ensued.

So instead of always focusing on what I do have, let's see what I don't have:

1. So many of my friends have gorgeous homes and nice furniture. Sometimes I hate my house. My furniture is crap. Most of it isn't even real wood. I need a new dresser and a new couch but can't afford either one. How is it that girls my age have this much disposable income?

2. I'm fat. It's true. According to the charts I need to lose 25 pounds before I am acceptable. This is depressing. This makes me sick. This makes me ANGRY and despondent. For the rest of my life, I will struggle with my weight. I will be fat and I will also be the only girl who is eating carrots for lunch while everyone else is eating hamburgers and fries.

3. I'm not particularly pretty. And I've always wanted to be beautiful. This also sucks big time. It's supposedly not about looks, but being beautiful would certainly ease my pain a bit.

4. I'm supposedly good with money, but this is a falsehood. I owe approximately $30,000 to debtors right now and that does not include my home.

5. I want to have a baby but I'm probably going to have another miscarriage anyway. So why should I look forward to being pregnant?!

OK. Those are just some of the reasons I was feeling sorry for myself. I know this is a terrible, terrible way to be, but sometimes I get sick of trying so hard to focus on the positive. Yes, I know that my life is better than 99% of the world population. Yes, I know that I have so much to be grateful for. Yes, I know that saying these things makes me a bad person. But I am innately a negative person and sometimes it just has to shine through.

So, back on the anti-depressants with a vengeance. Because, apparently, this is no way to be. Karma will probably bite me back for saying all of this anyway...I'm sure I'll get what's coming to me eventually.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Holidays = no friend time = chore

I'm pretty excited about the holidays coming up. Usually I am not. I don't know why because family gatherings are always pretty excrutiating for me. My immediate family is the best. I love seeing them, of course. But when we include grandparents that I barely know and the in-laws things start to feel more like a chore than a holiday. Why can't it be acceptable to spend the holidays with your friends too? It would be a lot better to go to my friends' homes for Thanksgiving and actually feel thankful and gracious as opposed to going to my grandparent's home and sit awkwardly with a pounding headache caused by all the fake smiling. I love my friends and I am grateful for them. I love being with them. Why do they get the shaft at Thankgiving and Christmas? I know my friends better than I know ALL of my extended relatives. Yet I don't buy them Christmas presents. Instead, I have to ponder what Uncle Vernon who lives 200 miles away might be able to use? Socks? A tie? And this just makes me angry. Why do I have to buy somebody I do not know a gift when my best friend and I don't even exchange gifts. I would actually get some pleasure out of sending her a gift. But I can't because I have to spend my limited money on a relative who is going to hate what I buy them anyway.

So, this year I want all my friends to know that although I won't be seeing you for the holidays, my heart is with you and I wish that I could ditch some of my family obligations instead.

Cheers!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

My new favorite thing


These new Zip 'n Steam bags from Ziploc are the neatest little creations I have found in a long time. And no, they are not paying me to advertise. But I saw on "The Biggest Loser" where they were cooking salmon in the MICROWAVE and thought I would try it. I am always scared of cooking fish, but it took 3 minutes for two salmon filets and they turned out perfectly. Plus, I've been steaming all sorts of veggies and potatoes and it they turn out really great. I highly recommend these if you hate to cook like I do. It's just so easy and very fast.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

California Here We Come


My DH and I are going with our collective best friend to California in February. The flight has been booked and there is no going back. I am so excited. I have never been west of the Mississippi River and I haven't flown since I was 16 so this is a big thing for me. For my husband too because he's never even set foot on a plane.

For some reason over the years I have built up an aversion to flying. I've flown to Chicago and to NYC and each time I had great flights. But the take off really makes me ill. The whole thought of flying is just terrible. Now if I can do this, I can go anywhere. Not wanting to fly has really held my travels back. Every year we go on vacation, it has to be to some place that we can drive.

So this year we're finally biting the bullet and going to Sacramento to meet up with a very generous friend who has offered to be our escort for the week. We will stay at her home base in Sacramento and then will go to San Francisco for a night and then on to Tahoe to do some skiing. I am super psyched about all of these things, especially San Francisco. Two friends of mine have said that it is their second favorite city after NYC. And one of those friends is a crazy NYC girl and goes there every year without fail. So that is just super neat and exciting.

And upon my safe return to Kentucky, DH and I will start trying to get pregnant again. This is the plan.

So I am pretty psyched about the next 5 months of my life. I have something to look forward to, which helps so much in dealing with the monotony of every day life. Yay me!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Halloween is for kids

I am so sick of adult Halloween parties. I mean, what's up with this?! This weekend I have four parties that I am invited to. FOUR. And I am so not popular or social. It is a weird occurrence for me to be invited to even one party. So now I am obligated to go to great lengths to come up with a costume. This simply does not excite me. I am bored to death by all the slutty costumes that are out there for girls. I can see the allure of wanting to look sexy, but it has gone to far. You can't be a nurse, but you can be a porno star nurse. You can be a witch, but you have to be a witch that wears a bustier and stilleto heels. You can be little red riding hood, but only if you have ample cleavage and a VERY short skirt. That's if you buy your costume. I suppose you could come up with your own, but I don't have time for that (actually, I do, but that's a whole different story). So I will go with the old standby: cat. Easy. Boring.

Maybe it's time I lighten up and have a little fun.

Nah. I don't really wanna.

My point is that I hate Halloween. I hate spiders, I hate horror movies, I hate handing out candy to kids, I hate uncomfortable costumes, and I hate the color orange (unless you are an orange cat).

So there Halloween. Not everyone likes you so much. Take that!

Long live Valentine's Day. Now THERE'S a holiday to celebrate. ;)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Enough said



Check out my new kicks.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I found out what ails me



The following affliction is what I suffer from: cyberchondria

I just think that's a neat word. It's dead on.







Monday, October 15, 2007

Get Green


So today is Blog Action Day 2007. This means that over 15,000 blogs will be uniting to write about the subject of the environment. (I heard about this here.) The environment is a pretty touchy subject for me these days. It seems to me that we have reached sort of a tipping point when it comes to global warming. I am absolutely terrified about global warming. So much that I wonder if bringing a child into the world is such a good idea. #1: Aren't we overpopulated as it is? #2: Why would I want to bring my child into a world that is nearing it's ultimate demise every day. Maybe this is a little bit overdramatic. I don't know. But it does scare me. And what can I do about it?! Well, I do all that I can. I've decided to write a list of things that I already do and can do to ensure that I am not harming my environment any more than I should be. Nothing here is huge or dramatic. But if everybody did these things, it could make a huge difference.

1. Every morning for two years I ate my oatmeal in a plastic bowl with a plastic spoon and drank my coffee out of a styrofoam cup. What?! Why?! Now I happily use a real coffee mug, a glass bowl, and an actual spoon every morning. I figure this saves a little bit of landfill space. I was using way too much simply because it was convenient to throw away my dishes instead of washing them.

2. I recycle all that I can. But I can do better. I am always too lazy to recycle my tin cans. Washing them out seems to be too much trouble. I will do better.

3. From this point forward, I am buying the new and slightly more expensive energy efficient light bulbs. I found this here:
If every American home replaced just one light bulb with an ENERGY STAR qualified bulb, we would save enough energy to light more than 3 million homes for a year, more than $600 million in annual energy costs, and prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions of more than 800,000 cars.

4. Al Gore says I need to get an electric hot water heater blanket. I do what Al Gore tells me to. A blanket costs less than $18 and can cut your home's CO2 emissions by almost 4 1/2 percent. This is on my to do list.

5. Change your air filters regularly. This is something that I am doing better at. I have marked on my calendar at work when I need to change the filters. Doing this regularly can knock 2 percent off of your CO2 output each year.

6. I wish I could afford a hybrid car. I can't. But I am driving a Corolla. It gets pretty good gas mileage. At least it isn't a gas guzzling SUV (boo! hiss!!)

7. The windows in my house are drafty. I'm buying new ones next spring. No telling how much energy I waste trying to keep my house cool or warm.

8. The next big appliance I buy will be an Energy Star appliance.
If just one in 10 homes used ENERGY STAR qualified appliances, the change would be like planting 1.7 million new acres of trees.

9. I don't have a programmable thermostat, but every day before I leave my home, I hit the $ button on my digital thermostat. This increases the temperature setting in my house by 5 degrees if the A/C is on and it decreases the setting by 5 degrees if the heat is on. This saves energy and it saves me $ too.

10. Whenever I can, I buy green products. For instance, check out these hangers. Pretty cool.

11. I am voting Democrat!!!!!!!!!

I do what I can, but I am sure there is so much more that I can do. I am open to any suggestions.




Saturday, October 13, 2007

I'm feel like a fat fatty

Every night I go to bed thinking that the next day is when I am really going to start to change my diet. I'm going to start eating less, go to bed hungry (the only sure fire way for me to lose weight) and start working out more. Each day dawns and I forget all of my nightly promises to myself.

I moved all of my summer clothes out of my closet. This is depressing. I noticed all of these clothes that I had that were too small for me yet I kept them in my closet all year. I could throw away probably 40% of my clothes and never miss them. And now as I put my winter clothes in my closet I am amazed at all of the things that no longer fit me. I guess eventually I am going to be so big that I will just wear muu muus year round. All of my pants are too small. This is not good.

I bought a pair of jeans not too long ago in a size too small. If I were to lose 5 pounds they would fit me perfectly. I thought this would motivate me to diet and actually lose a few. It obviously hasn't.

I need to find a way to make myself diet. I did it before. Weight Watchers worked and I know it would work again. But I just won't do it.

I'm going to try again tomorrow. Today was a bust. Cracker Barrel, milkshakes and my damn husband made this chess cake that is to die for. Literally. I think it has taken 5 years off my life.

Tomorrow I am making my vegetable soup and actually bringing my heart rate over 100 bpm.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

I love boys





I wanted something pretty to look at when I log on to my blog. The candle wasn't doing it for me.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Serenity Now




I'm not much of a candle burner. I don't really like them. Even the supposed good ones. But today I was given this candle and it's just the nicest thing I have been around in a long while. It has a wood wick (hence the brand name: WoodWick candles) and it sounds like an actual crackling fire burning when you light it. And the smell from the candle seriously does fill the room. It was enough to take the stench of Sadie poop out of the house within five minutes. Now my house smells of nectarine and I am soooo relaxed. It's super nice. I am a fan of white noise and this is just the best. I think I'm in love.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

A Broken Record

Not to brag. Not to be redundant. But...

My husband is the best. I must have been very unlucky in love in my previous life. But I was a good person. So Karma is rewarding me now. This is my theory. (uh oh...the next life is gonna be interesting.)

I'm a hard person to live with. I am neurotic and I worry about worry itself. Yet my husband continues to support me and love me and nurture me.

Tonight: panic arises yet again. He stays up an hour later than he normally would. Just to sit with me as my panic subsides. He tells me to wake him up if he falls asleep and I need him. No matter what, I am to wake him up. If I so much as have to get up and pee he wants to make sure I'm OK.

I so appreciate him. I SO need him. What would I do if he were not here? His presence is my comfort. He is my salvation, if you will.

Yes, perhaps my reliance on him is not the healthiest thing. Perhaps I should be these things unto myself. But why? Why can't he be these things to me? Why can't I take his comfort when I need it?

And speaking of comfort; the little devil just jumped in my lap. My cat Buddy is a pretty cool kid too. If he could talk he'd be telling me, "Everything's gonna be all right, Momma. Chill out. Relax. Feed me. Pet me. Love me. "

Ha. That's what we all want: to be fed, petted and loved. ;)

Note to myself

I'm okay. I'm just freaking out. That stupid energy is back. The energy that makes me think I'm gonna lose it. But it always goes away. Nothing is wrong. I do not have cancer or any kind of virus. I've entered my "symptoms" on Web MD. Nothing comes up. I've taken my blood pressure. It is very good. I have taken my temperature. No fever.

I'm sad and pondering life is all. Nothing is wrong. Things are as they always are.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

I'm just sleepy. This is the first full day of work I've had in 4 days. Why do I expect so much from myself? Why can't I just take what I can give?

Take what comes and move on. Take what comes. Breathe.

Things seem jumbled. They are not. Everything is as it should be. Everything is as it is. Stop trying to control things that cannot be controlled. Let it go. Let it be.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

My Papaw

Well, my grandfather died. My dad's dad. It is a relief for my family, I think. It makes me realize that I didn't really know my grandfather at all. He never really talked when I was around. He would ask me, "how is school" or "do you have a boyfriend" but nothing really was ever said about him. He never said, when I was a boy we....

Maybe it was me. Maybe I just never cared enough to learn about his life and to ask questions. I don't really know how many brothers or sisters he had. I don't know if he was in WWII even. I don't know what kind of childhood he had. Where he grew up, what his parents were like, if he did well in school, how he met my grandmother. Why don't I know these things?

I do know that he had a wonderful sense of humor, even when he started to go downhill. He also had to have a lot of patience. He lived with my grandmother, for crying out loud! For Christmas last year my grandparents gave everyone $100.00 instead of the usual $50.00 that we always got. I know it was because Papaw knew it was his last Christmas. That makes me sad.

I haven't cried yet. I will at the funeral. I will when I see my dad cry and when I see Papaw's body in the casket. I just hope that he enjoyed his life. He lived a long time. 86 is pretty good, I think!

I hope I make it to 86. But I also hope that I stop to enjoy myself along the way. Things like this make you think about your own life and unavoidable death. I'm pretty happy with how I am living. I just want all of my friends and family to feel the same. I think I'm going to re-read some of my Buddhism books now. They always help me feel more centered. It's kind of funny. Most people would turn to the Bible and Jesus and all that jazz. Instead, I turn to my Buddhist books. Hmm...maybe I have a religion afterall. No. Not a religion; a philosophy on living. Religions focus on saving your soul and getting into heaven. That's boring. Let's focus on LIVING and enjoying our lives. As far as we know, we only get one life and one body. Buddhism makes me appreciate that one life and that one body.

OK. I didn't mean for this to turn into a discussion on religious philosophies or anything. I did love my Papaw. And I am very sad that his life is over. Even if he lived the best life ever and lived to be 120 years old, I would still be sad. But he is no longer suffering. He is at peace now.

Ciao.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Bob Loblaw

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Friday, September 21, 2007

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful

Not sure what's going on in my brain lately, but this week has been full of brief moments of panic. I hate anxiety. Unease, worry, dread, fear. These are all things I feel in these temporary moments of insanity. I feel like I am about to freak out. My heart races, I feel adrenaline rushes, I think I'm gonna just seriously FLIP OUT.

Why does this happen when everything in my life is good? I have such a low stress life. And yes, I've been taking my Zoloft.

I think it all started when I decided that I would try to get pregnant again. I'm paralyzed by the fear of another miscarriage. And I am also certain that if I do not get pregnant soon, I will have missed my window of fertility. Something will go wrong with my reproductive organs. I am convinced of this.

And then I have that sense of "something's not right". What is it that I am worrying about again? I don't know, but I'm sure it's something. It's right under the surface ready to come out at the drop of a hat, or more appropriately, at the moment of a misfired brain impulse.

If everything is going so well, surely something bad is going to happen. I can sense it looming.

I'm a classic hypochondriac. A classic case of general anxiety disorder. Yet none of this comforts me. At these realizations, my brain just goes on to think that some terrible disease must be causing the chemical imbalance I've enjoyed for so long. Maybe I have a blood disorder. Cancer. Lupus. It's got to be something.

Yes. I am nuts. This, I believe.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I love my husband

It's not often that I talk about the good things in my marriage. Usually, when I am talking about my marriage to my friends, it is about all of the things that are wrong, or more commonly, about all of the things he is DOING wrong. ;) But I don't have much to complain about lately. My husband is my best friend and I love him very much. This is the best feeling in the world. He is the best man in the world for me and I am pretty sure of that. He tells me how pretty I am on my "ugly days". He keeps me laughing all the time. He knows what to say to me when I am worried or scared. He just gets me and knows every little thing about me that there is to know. I feel so comfortable and safe when I am with him and when he's gone I always miss him, even if we are in the midst of a fight. Despite all of my faults (there are a few) he still loves me and accepts me as is. It's amazing. May everyone be as lucky as I am to find such a compatible partner in life.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I didn't

I have no excuse.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I must

I must work out tonight.

Dog, no dog, dog, no dog

OK. We tried it. We really did. We gave it our best shot. Buckley is no more. Poor dog. We took him in for the weekend and found out that we are not meant to be dog parents. He is back at the LIFE House today awaiting another adoption. Dogs are so much work, and my instincts always told me that this wasn't going to be the best idea. But DH really seemed to want a dog, so I went with it. Next time I may speak up a bit more. It's just not fair though...I do have my 3 cats and DH never wanted them in the first place. He should be able to have a dog if he wants one. But he doesn't and I don't and I am relieved.

When your instincts tell you something, it is often best to listen.

Lesson learned.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Britney Gossip

I'm sorry. I have to post something about poor Britney Spears. I hate to do it, but I have something to say.

Yes, she seems to be very dumb. Yes, most of the criticism she is getting may be well deserved. I did not see the VMAs the other night. I have seen tidbits of her performance and it does look as though she was in a bit of a trance. But I don't really care about all of that. Whatever, right?

What I don't like about all of this talk is the criticism of her weight. I have read articles that say she was out of shape and shouldn't have worn the revealing outfit that she did. I have also read several other criticisms of her "mushy midsection". I don't think this is fair. It makes me mad, like the cover of Star magazine did. She looked pretty fit to me. That's all I am saying. If she is a fat blob, then I need to get in some kind of intense cardio training immediately. Maybe it's a good thing that she went on national TV without being in the best shape of her life. At least she's showing that she isn't ashamed of her body. Why does she have to be perfect in order to go onstage in a bikini? Why can't we accept some flaws? I so very much hate the fact that if a celebrity shows one ounce of fat on her body, we have to pounce. It's stupid. And it's lame.

Apparently I'm not the only one who is enraged by all this fat talk either. http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/11/bulging.britney.ap/index.html

That's it. I will try not to talk about Britney Spears ever again. I promise.

Slow week and random musings

I've been sick since Monday evening. It's not very fun. But I'm getting better and on Friday after work we pick up Buckley for a trial weekend to see how he fits in with the family. I'm excited about him, yet I still have reservations about the whole dog thing. I hope it all works out. Tonight we dog proof the yard. Apparently, he's a master escape artist, so we are going to need to patch up some places in our fence that would prove fruitful for one trying to escape.

This week has been so slow, hasn't it? I mean, really. SLOW...

I hate it when you finish a really good book. I just got done reading Green Darkness and now I just feel annoyed at all the other books I try. I am reading "In the Company of a Courtesan" and it just doesn't compare. Maybe I need to take a reading break...

I need to get back into my dieting/exercise routine. I did really good for a week and then I had the bachelorette party. Well, after that everything went out the window. I was lazy on the weekend and then I got sick and now it's been almost a week since I've exercised and I have begun to get back into my old habits of eating out too much. Darn it I hate cooking. When I am sick I just can't cook. I can't even heat up a can of soup. It's too much for me. I can't wait to see what kind of a mother this will make me.

My grandfather is very sick. He's old. He's going to die soon, I guess. I can't bring myself to go visit him. I never knew him very well. Getting old is a terrible business. I wish we could all control the way in which we die. I don't guess many people get the deaths of their choice though, otherwise the number one cause of death would be going to sleep and just never waking up. I feel bad that I don't feel that bad though. I think that when he dies, it will be a bit of a relief for everyone. Especially him. He's miserable. That's no way to live. I guess you expect your grandparents to die, so it isn't that shocking. My favorite grandmother died when I was 16 and that was actually quite hard on me. Since then, I have kind of toughened up I think. Like with Remmy...when he died it killed me. Now when another one of my pets die, I don't think I will grieve as hard. It's kind of like you've been broken. Does that make ANY sense? The number one thing that bothers me about my grandfather being so ill is knowing how it is going to affect my father when he dies. Seeing my dad cry is very hard on me. I hate it.

Well, I will end this miserable blog now. Not everything in my life is bad right now. We are getting a dog and my marriage is wonderful and my husband is happy and I'm very much in love with him. I will focus on the good. But sometimes it helps to write about the bad. It gets it out of your system.

Cheers.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sunday boring Sunday

Not much to report. I went to a bachelorette party on Friday night for a co-worker of mine. It was fun, but I don't really have any stories to tell from that...

My husband and I are thinking of adopting this cute little dog. DH seems interested, although part of me thinks it's a bad idea. I'm slightly allergic to dogs and although this one is nice, I don't have the same motherly feelings for him that I have for my cats. I'm a true cat person. It can't be helped. If we got him we'd name him Buckley. I like Beagles. I met Buckley on Friday and he was very sweet. He's 2-3 years old and was almost euthanized very recently until the LIFE House saved him. If we don't adopt him someone else will. Lucky for Buckley, the LIFE House doesn't euthanize. DH may go meet him tomorrow.

I still have that overwhelming sense of boredom in my life. I don't think it's depression, and yes, I've been taking my Zoloft. It's just a sense of unrest, I suppose. Maybe Buckley would give me something to "do" for a while.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Boredom and babies

I find myself bored a lot lately and for no real reason. Part of me thinks it's the old baby conundrum rearing its ugly head. One side of me desperately does not want children and the other side of me is pretty sure she needs to pro-create and quickly at that. It's kind of tricky. When are you supposed to have babies? With the invention of birth control pills women were given a new freedom. Now I am beginning to think it's too much freedom! (not really...just for the record) But I almost wish someone would tell me what to do. I need a timeline; a plan.

When I sit and rationally think of it, I come up with a lot of reasons NOT to have children. I am pretty much bored to death with other people's children and absolutely cannot talk to them. Most kids are hideously ugly to me (sorry), and I am generally not amused by their obnoxious and incoherent babble. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

A co-worker of mine recently brought her amiable child into my office to "meet" me. Upon making eye contact with me he very promptly shut his mouth and just stared at me. This was just after he had been chatting it up with the other women in the office, hugging them, blowing kisses, jabbering at them and so on. Am I not motherly? I guess not. I don't try to be. I can't bring myself to talk like a crazy person and bounce up and down just to get some sort of reaction. I can't. I WON'T!

I live a pretty stress-free life. I do what I want when I want and I like it that way. I can come home from work and take a 2 hour nap, wake up and go to the gym and then stay up until 12:00 watching late night TV. I like it this way. I have expendable income for the first time in my life too. I can travel and buy brand name clothing. I could, right now, make a quick trip to Wal-Mart and drop $100.00 without batting an eye. These are all good things. But once BABY arrives, this all ends. All of it. Right? No more extra money. No more free time. No more SLEEP for that matter. (And sleep is one of my most treasured pastimes!)

I haven't even scratched the surface yet. There are other HUGE issues that having a baby brings to mind: day care, miscarriages, maternity leave, breastfeeding, a new house....I can't even think past the first 6 weeks of my future child's life! What if I raise a moron? What then? What if I have a child that insists upon being religious (oh the horror!) or a (gasp!) Republican?! (Thanks Ms. TB for bringing that horrible thought into my head.) I just don't know if I could handle it.

But despite all of this, despite all of these reasons...I still want a baby.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Star Magazine is HORRENDOUS


Have you seen the current cover of Star Magazine? "45 Best and Worst Beach Bodies" Now, I know that Star magazine is trash. I have always known this. But for some reason, this month's issue really bothers me.

The magazine cover makes me ill. My sister tells me that half of these pictures aren't even "real", but....I am sickened that the media spits out trash like this and that people actually buy it. J Lo has a little bit of cellulite. Ooh, let's expose her and talk about what a horrible body she has. She ought to be shot. Let's take a picture in the most unflattering light and post it on our magazine cover for all the vulnerable young girls of the world to see and digest. What kind of a message is this? They are giving props to the women who have seemingly perfect bodies and they are completely exposing the women who do NOT have perfect bodies as shameful and ugly. This is simply inexcusable to me. They are being so critical of these women and it really makes me mad. I think all of those female celebrities should be applauded for having the nerve to actually set foot out-of-doors in a bikini knowing that their photos will be taken. Kudos to them all!!

The next magazine cover better be about fat, balding actors who dare walk out on the streets of Hollywood...

Sexism runs rampant.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Alone on Saturday night

So, my husband is out of town tonight and I find myself alone and loving it. Not really loving it because I do miss him, but I do like to have the house to myself from time to time. I am cleaning and watching what I want to on TV. Hmm...think I'll go get a beer. It's weird how somebody else changes the way I act. When I am alone, I am more prone to get up and actually do something. I guess when you have someone else around it's a good excuse to be lazy. When DH (dear husband) is gone, I tend to have fewer excuses. When we are together being lazy at least we are together. If you are alone being lazy...well, that's a sin isn't it?

So I went shopping today with my mother. Clothes shopping. I have graduated into a bigger size (not telling WHAT size) from what I was when I last went shopping. It doesn't really bother me though. Wonder why...I am eating right and exercising and if that's not enough to keep me model slim, too bad. Just yesterday I told DH that we needed to cut down on our spending. I laughed as I rehashed to my mom what I told him while handing over $100 to the cashier. She said she always tells my dad the same thing only to find herself at the mall the next day. But since we are the ones who control the finances in our households, our husbands will never know. It's better that they don't. I can't actually justify spending $50.00 on ANOTHER pair of black sandals. I just know that I need those sandals! OK. I stretched the truth a little. I did buy a pair of black sandals today but they were only $14.95 marked down from $59. Clearance rack! :)

I'm reading a really good book right now. Green Darkness by Anya Seton. It's always great to find a good book. Now that Harry Potter is gone I am moving into the world of historical fiction. I think that's what you would call it at least. Green Darkness is neat so far. It's about reincarnation, which is an interesting subject to ponder on, although I find it entirely impossible to actually believe in. I wish I believed in reincarnation. I'm going to pretend I do. :P

Well, I really have nothing ground breaking to say today. This is my first blog and I don't want to set the bar too high or else I'll never write again. But this is fun. Maybe I'll write another post here in a minute if something strikes me as blog-worthy.

I think I deserve mad props for putting in an internet link thingie on my first blog, by the way!