I find myself bored a lot lately and for no real reason. Part of me thinks it's the old baby conundrum rearing its ugly head. One side of me desperately does not want children and the other side of me is pretty sure she needs to pro-create and quickly at that. It's kind of tricky. When are you supposed to have babies? With the invention of birth control pills women were given a new freedom. Now I am beginning to think it's too much freedom! (not really...just for the record) But I almost wish someone would tell me what to do. I need a timeline; a plan.
When I sit and rationally think of it, I come up with a lot of reasons NOT to have children. I am pretty much bored to death with other people's children and absolutely cannot talk to them. Most kids are hideously ugly to me (sorry), and I am generally not amused by their obnoxious and incoherent babble. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between.
A co-worker of mine recently brought her amiable child into my office to "meet" me. Upon making eye contact with me he very promptly shut his mouth and just stared at me. This was just after he had been chatting it up with the other women in the office, hugging them, blowing kisses, jabbering at them and so on. Am I not motherly? I guess not. I don't try to be. I can't bring myself to talk like a crazy person and bounce up and down just to get some sort of reaction. I can't. I WON'T!
I live a pretty stress-free life. I do what I want when I want and I like it that way. I can come home from work and take a 2 hour nap, wake up and go to the gym and then stay up until 12:00 watching late night TV. I like it this way. I have expendable income for the first time in my life too. I can travel and buy brand name clothing. I could, right now, make a quick trip to Wal-Mart and drop $100.00 without batting an eye. These are all good things. But once BABY arrives, this all ends. All of it. Right? No more extra money. No more free time. No more SLEEP for that matter. (And sleep is one of my most treasured pastimes!)
I haven't even scratched the surface yet. There are other HUGE issues that having a baby brings to mind: day care, miscarriages, maternity leave, breastfeeding, a new house....I can't even think past the first 6 weeks of my future child's life! What if I raise a moron? What then? What if I have a child that insists upon being religious (oh the horror!) or a (gasp!) Republican?! (Thanks Ms. TB for bringing that horrible thought into my head.) I just don't know if I could handle it.
But despite all of this, despite all of these reasons...I still want a baby.
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Having a healthy baby is far more "fun" than anything I ever imagined, and I THINK you would enjoy it, too. But it definitely isn't for everyone.
I just spent an evening with my friend and her 3 year old. I don't know that I could do it...but I'm convinced that along with stretch marks and hormonal changes...the mommy switch is flipped and you just ride the ride. Unless, of course, they become a Republican, then you're on your own. That Ms. TB gal knows what she's talking about.
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