And we're back!

So we're back from California. We had not a great time, but a good time. I'm glad I got to see that part of the country. It was quite pretty and San Francisco was super neat. Unfortunately, we only got to stay there for a day. You could easily stay there for a week and keep busy. And I really enjoyed the mountains in Tahoe. It was mega pretty with all the snow.

But now we are back to real life. Very real because this is the time when I am supposed to start trying to get pregnant again. And yet, I'm backing off of it. I am unsure. So is my DH. I know I want a baby. I know it deep down. But the timing is proving to be a difficult thing to work out. So many new questions arise when you are this close. Financially, I feel like I need at least some kind of money in savings before we do this. And then I wonder if I am mature enough. There are some days and even weeks where I can barely bring myself to clean the house. Our litter boxes need to be cleaned, the kitchen is a wreck, dust bunnies are taking over the house. Do I really need to add a child to this mess? Will I be able to become a better housekeeper when I am completely stressed out by having a baby to take care of? I just don't know. Will the cats be a problem? Will they try and get into the baby's bed? Will they meow all night like they sometimes do now (Yes, BUTTERS, I'm talking about you, you big fat jerk!)? I hardly have any sick or vacation time saved up at work. I can't get to work on time as it is now either. And DAYCARE is another huge stressor. And last but not least, I wanted to lose 15 more pounds before I got pregnant. But that is going to be a SLOW process. I'm losing, but at a veeery slooow pace.

So I know I should just bite the bullet and get pregnant. In fact, I still may. But it is so scary. I'm always trying to talk my husband into it, but I'm also trying to talk myself into it at the same time.