Your neurologist says to you, "I see here that you drove from Nashville to Dallas just to avoid flying home."
Let me backtrack. Way back.
I went off my Zoloft in November in the midst of a pregnancy scare. Stopped it cold turkey. And everything was fine. I had no withdrawals, no panic attacks, nothing. I felt pretty good.
And then I decide to take a very uncharacteristic trip across the country to California. I wasn't just leaving my comfort zone. I was FLYING out of my comfort zone. I thought I could handle the flying part. I knew I'd be nervous, but I thought I could make it. Wrong. My anxiety got the best of me. I panicked. I vowed never to fly again. But I had to get home. I HAD to get on the plane from Sacramento to Dallas. It was just plain stupid and completely unrealistic to drive from Sacramento to Nashville and then back up to Frankfort. But I would have done it. Had one person even given me the slightest hint that it wouldn't be all that crazy, I would have done it. Believe me. But in the air somewhere over Nevada I decided that this was going to be my LAST plane ride and vowed that if I made it back on the ground alive, I would drive home. So that's what happened. Our plane miracuously made a safe landing in Dallas/Ft. Worth and my poor husband subsequently drove us home from Dallas to Nashville. I tried to make it fun. Tried to take the "crazy" out of it and say we were on an "adventure" (anyone who knows me knows that adventure is not in my vocabulary). I don't think I convinced him. Or anyone for that matter...
But I'm back home now and just getting over a cold and think that finally I can relax. The trip itself was an exhausting ordeal. I was away from home in towns I didn't know with unforeseen events and people and activities and it was just too much for me, really. I am not meant to "wing it". I am meant to have itineraries and weather reports and maps at my fingertips. This trip was not my cup of tea. Glad I went, glad I saw, glad it's over.
And over it was. I thought I was in the clear. My anxiety was ebbing. Things were getting back to normal. That was until I had a day of not feeling well - weakness and some shaking and dizziness. Oh well you know that just kick started my obsession with WebMD as fast as you can say Tuberculosis. Nothing I love more than to Google the symptom "dizziness and weakness". At least that's what my husband thinks. ;)
WebMD ought to be blocked from my computer. And WrongDiagnosis ought to be banned from the planet entirely. These sites are nothing but poison for my already diseased and stressed out brain.
Symptoms: dizziness, weakness, shaking
Result: you probably have MS. Pretty soon you are going to start having vision problems and muscle twitching, prickling sensations and numbness in your extremities. You are more than likely going to die.
Guess what?! They were right. Soon after reading about those little prickling "pins and needles" sensations, I so happened to get them. And I mean it. For real. My hands and my feet prickled and tingled. Then it moved into my arms and legs and pretty soon all over my body. All sure signs that my MS was progressing at a rapid pace. And it still is. I'm a basket case. My weakness is gone, but my prickling and tingling continues (pringling, if you will).
This is what led me to the neurologist in the first place. And that is when he mentioned my little "flying incident". Apparently, it was IN MY MEDICAL CHART because I casually mentioned it to my GP in an attempt to get me some goddamn ATIVAN to calm my frazzled mind. Oh well...my neurologist thinks I am a nut. So what? At least I have the Ativan, right?
Story isn't over. I passed the physical examinations, but the MRI and EMG are scheduled for next week. Dr. Neurologist told me outright that it is very unlikely that I have MS. In fact, he gave me a 95% assurance rate on that. But we're doing the tests just "to be sure". He thinks that the tingling and prickling sensations I have been enjoying are due to anxiety and stress. Hmm...wonder why he would think THAT?! So you'd think I'd be relieved. Phew...that's over now.
Nope. The "pringling" continues and my dose of reassurance from the Doc is slowly wearing off. Maybe I'm the one in 1000 that slips by the physical exam. Maybe he didn't take me seriously enough after reading about the plane debacle. Maybe it's not MS, but a BRAIN TUMOR.
It is so exhausting to be me. I think I'm going to take an Ativan.
Let me backtrack. Way back.
I went off my Zoloft in November in the midst of a pregnancy scare. Stopped it cold turkey. And everything was fine. I had no withdrawals, no panic attacks, nothing. I felt pretty good.
And then I decide to take a very uncharacteristic trip across the country to California. I wasn't just leaving my comfort zone. I was FLYING out of my comfort zone. I thought I could handle the flying part. I knew I'd be nervous, but I thought I could make it. Wrong. My anxiety got the best of me. I panicked. I vowed never to fly again. But I had to get home. I HAD to get on the plane from Sacramento to Dallas. It was just plain stupid and completely unrealistic to drive from Sacramento to Nashville and then back up to Frankfort. But I would have done it. Had one person even given me the slightest hint that it wouldn't be all that crazy, I would have done it. Believe me. But in the air somewhere over Nevada I decided that this was going to be my LAST plane ride and vowed that if I made it back on the ground alive, I would drive home. So that's what happened. Our plane miracuously made a safe landing in Dallas/Ft. Worth and my poor husband subsequently drove us home from Dallas to Nashville. I tried to make it fun. Tried to take the "crazy" out of it and say we were on an "adventure" (anyone who knows me knows that adventure is not in my vocabulary). I don't think I convinced him. Or anyone for that matter...
But I'm back home now and just getting over a cold and think that finally I can relax. The trip itself was an exhausting ordeal. I was away from home in towns I didn't know with unforeseen events and people and activities and it was just too much for me, really. I am not meant to "wing it". I am meant to have itineraries and weather reports and maps at my fingertips. This trip was not my cup of tea. Glad I went, glad I saw, glad it's over.
And over it was. I thought I was in the clear. My anxiety was ebbing. Things were getting back to normal. That was until I had a day of not feeling well - weakness and some shaking and dizziness. Oh well you know that just kick started my obsession with WebMD as fast as you can say Tuberculosis. Nothing I love more than to Google the symptom "dizziness and weakness". At least that's what my husband thinks. ;)
WebMD ought to be blocked from my computer. And WrongDiagnosis ought to be banned from the planet entirely. These sites are nothing but poison for my already diseased and stressed out brain.
Symptoms: dizziness, weakness, shaking
Result: you probably have MS. Pretty soon you are going to start having vision problems and muscle twitching, prickling sensations and numbness in your extremities. You are more than likely going to die.
Guess what?! They were right. Soon after reading about those little prickling "pins and needles" sensations, I so happened to get them. And I mean it. For real. My hands and my feet prickled and tingled. Then it moved into my arms and legs and pretty soon all over my body. All sure signs that my MS was progressing at a rapid pace. And it still is. I'm a basket case. My weakness is gone, but my prickling and tingling continues (pringling, if you will).
This is what led me to the neurologist in the first place. And that is when he mentioned my little "flying incident". Apparently, it was IN MY MEDICAL CHART because I casually mentioned it to my GP in an attempt to get me some goddamn ATIVAN to calm my frazzled mind. Oh well...my neurologist thinks I am a nut. So what? At least I have the Ativan, right?
Story isn't over. I passed the physical examinations, but the MRI and EMG are scheduled for next week. Dr. Neurologist told me outright that it is very unlikely that I have MS. In fact, he gave me a 95% assurance rate on that. But we're doing the tests just "to be sure". He thinks that the tingling and prickling sensations I have been enjoying are due to anxiety and stress. Hmm...wonder why he would think THAT?! So you'd think I'd be relieved. Phew...that's over now.
Nope. The "pringling" continues and my dose of reassurance from the Doc is slowly wearing off. Maybe I'm the one in 1000 that slips by the physical exam. Maybe he didn't take me seriously enough after reading about the plane debacle. Maybe it's not MS, but a BRAIN TUMOR.
It is so exhausting to be me. I think I'm going to take an Ativan.
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