Food Allergies

Well, Jane is allergic to eggs.  I am depressed about it.  More like despondent, really.  I always had "what if she has food allergies" in the back of my mind because it seems like such a scary diagnosis, and one hard to deal with.  A food can kill you if you eat it.  That is major.  That is horrible.  And that is what I am dealing with. 

About a week after she turned one, I decided (per doctor's orders) to give her a scrambled egg.  She ate it up and within minutes her right cheek and the right side of her lips were puffed up like giant marshmallows.  It was terrifying.  My husband and I drove her to the ER.  All they did was give Benadryl.  In hindsite, I now know that they SHOULD HAVE given her a shot of epinephrine.  Long and horrible story short, we visit an allergist and confirm: egg allergy. 

Now we are to avoid eggs in all forms.  I am avoiding them too since I am still breastfeeding her and the proteins can pass through the milk to her.  Yikes!  Eggs are in a lot of things.  Soups, pastas, cakes, cookies, etc.  They hide everywhere and I hate them.  If she ever has another reaction, I am to jam an Epi-Pen (aka NEEDLE) into Jane's outer thigh and call 911.  Scary?  Yeah, sort of. 

I am not taking this in stride.  I am a nervous wreck.  As anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm a bit of a crazy person.  I worry and I worry and I worry some more.  This food allergy has MURDERED me.  Each time she eats I watch her and wait for a dreaded reaction.  No, I am not feeding her eggs, but I am petrified that she is going to develop an allergy to another food.  I have lost about 10 pounds because I am too nervous to eat.  Sounds great, but I am not taking care of myself properly. 

I started back on my Zoloft.  I hope it helps me deal better with this.  I am finding the love I have for Jane almost chokes me sometimes.  I am moving along the path of crazy, over-protective mother and I don't necessarily want to be that way.  I hope I can return to semi-normal soon...the Zoloft is supposed to do that for me.  Forget counseling.  Counseling costs money and our health insurance SUCKS.

There is a good chance she will outgrow this allergy by age 5 (I'm hoping sooner than that!).  So I need to focus on that.  I also need to learn to relax but I don't see that happening without massive amounts of alcohol running through my veins 24/7. 

It ain't easy being me.  Not because I have it bad but because my brain is messed up and set to constant, debilitating worry.  Something real like this food allergy sends me way over the edge. 

...sigh...