What Not to Say

So when people try and console you about your baby fears they say a lot of things. Some of them are helpful, but mostly nobody can say ANYTHING to make you feel better.

Here is a list of what not to say to a woman (me) who is TTC or who has had a miscarriage.

1. It will happen in God's time.
Pulease...this is pretty much one of the worst ones. #1 I don't believe in your God and #2 well, I don't believe in any God.
2. It was not meant to be.
Why not? Because God said so? Well, your god is a jerk.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
Of course everything happens for a reason. Cause and effect...duh. But this does not help me at all. The reason I had a miscarriage was because something went wrong. The reason I am not pregnant is because sperm has not met up with egg in the appropriate fashion. This is just fact. It is not comforting to me in the least bit. And I know what people mean by this statement, but refer to #1 here...
4. At least you know you can get pregnant.
Yeah, I got pregnant one time and it didn't last. Boy, what a relief.
5. Just relax. It will happen when you least expect it.
First off, don't tell me to relax. It is not in my nature to "relax". Besides, you try relaxing during and after a miscarriage and see how well you do. Anyone want a blood transfusion?
6. Stop trying so hard.
So you are telling me that the only reason I am not pregnant is because I am trying too hard?! OK. I guess I will just stop having sex when I ovulate and see how that works out. Or maybe I should drink some of this water that people are talking about. Yeah, the water that magically knocks you up. Maybe I'll try that instead.
7. Just be patient and it will happen.
Do I look patient?! Do I sound patient?!

Yes, I sound really bitter and mad. And I am not mad at the individuals who are trying to console me. Really, I'm not. I'm just mad at life and these stupid little comments are really driving me nuts. I do know that people say these things because they are just trying to be helpful. But boy does it feel good to type this all out. I mean, it really feels good even though I sound like a bitter and whining brat. I don't care. It's the way I feel.

What I do like to hear are the success stories. I like to know that so and so miscarried and it took them 10 months to get pregnant again...yada yada yada... now they've got a 9 month old healthy baby girl. Those are the stories I want to hear. I need data and medical statistics. This is what consoles me.