- Baby's heartbeat: I rented a doppler and used it for the first time last night. I don't think we found the heartbeat, which is disappointing. I don't have a sinking feeling though. I still think I've got a live little being with a heartbeat inside of me. I just want to hear it. I will try again tonight, but I thought about my doppler techniques and ways to improve them all night long.
- DAYCARE: Ugh. Andi's sitter will likely have an opening next August, which is just perfect!! It really is. But...I am gonna really have a hard time sending my itty bitty baby to day care and go back to work full time. And I do have questions about this sitter. I am sure she's good, but I just don't see how one person can care for 6-7 children at once when this includes 1-2 infants. And I don't even know how to interview a potential sitter/day care facility. I am in over my head here.
- Am I gonna be one of those annoying soccer moms? Is my personality going to change when my child is born? I sure hope not. Because to me, there is nothing more annoying than those mothers who think that they are something special simply because they've given birth. They think their children are somehow special and better than the rest, when really they are just like every other little brat on the face of the planet. Uh oh...I am not sure that I really like kids. Or their self-righteous parents. Surely I will love my child, but I sure hope I don't forget to talk about other issues I am passionate about. I hope I will still have opinions on things other than the Disney Channel and the local school system.
- We have a lot of CRAP in our house that we need to get rid of. Do I give it away or try to sell it? Jeremy's gonna be pissed when he hears that I want to get rid of that big boxy I take up way too much room TV in the study. But a lot of our stuff needs to go. Big deal right? Yeah, it is kind of overwhelming at 1:00 a.m. for some reason.
- I am fat. And I am going to get fatter before I get thinner. I know being pregnant is a good excuse, but sheesh...I weigh too much. And I gained 20 pounds while TTC, which was a dumb idea. I am afraid of what people are going to say about me at 8-9 months pregnant. I just don't want people saying, "man she got HUGE" and comparing me to everyone else they knew who got pregnant and stayed pretty thin. I'm betting they will. I am gonna end up the size of a house. I hope this doesn't mean I will get pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes. But at night I often worry about my weight. I haven't weighed myself on my own to see if I've gained anything since being pregnant. I'm sure I have, although I feel like I'm not eating a lot.
- When is Home Pros gonna install our new windows? Seriously. We signed the contract 3.5 months ago. I know they are behind, but at what point do I start taking up for myself to make sure they aren't just putting us at the bottom of their list since we are so "nice" about it all.
- And once they do install our windows we're gonna have to order new window shades from somebody. Ugh...Lowe's I guess. How much is that gonna cost? Wonder how long we'll go with zero window treatments...
- I don't feel pregnant today. That is scary. What if we didn't find the heartbeat last night because there isn't one? What if the baby has died? What if the baby is alive but it's going to have some major birth defect? Then what am I supposed to do?!
- What if I die during labor? What if my child dies during labor? I saw "A Baby Story" yesterday on TLC and the epidurals scare me. The entire process scares me.
As I get further and further into my worrying, the worries seem to get more outlandish and more ridiculous. It seems to snowball. In reality, everything is going to work out. It always does. So why can't I let it all go at night? Too bad you can't take Ativan while pregnant...that always helped me let it go.
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