It's DECEMBER!

Thanks everybody for the nice comments on my last blog entry. I sort of feel like it seems I was fishing for compliments but that is not the case. I hate complaining about myself that way and then people say, "no you are beautiful and wonderful" blah blah. It makes me feel uneasy. My intent was not for people to say those things. Just makes me feel better to get my true feelings out on paper. I am doing a bit better. Not walking around with that "bad" feeling all the time anymore.

I will say that I am carrying around about 20-30 extra pounds that are just killing me and I can't get motivated enough to lose them. I know what I have to do to lose the weight and it's simply too hard for me right now. If I lost that weight, I would really feel a lot better. I don't know what's going to have to change in order for me to get motivated, but I wish it would happen already. (she says as she opens a bag of Combos...sigh)

For the first time in a long time, I am excited about Christmas. Yes, this is 100% related to Jane. I know that for her first Christmas she will have no idea what is going on. She isn't even interested in the fact that we brought a once living tree into our house, put weird lights on it and little "toys" on it too. But just the thought of her very soon getting excited and creating these new memories is really amazing. I look back upon my childhood with fondness and I really want Jane to as well. I am hoping she will. She seems pretty happy right now. Let's just hope she doesn't have the genetics for depression and anxiety like her poor Mommy. ;)