The Coolest Thing EVER!

I think I have been feeling the baby move for the past 3 days or so. I had been feeling the occasional tap-tap here and there for a few weeks, but it was very sporadic and intermintent. But since I hit the 16-week mark I have been feeling these definite little taps/flutters/rumbles/tickles. I am 95% sure that this is the baby. It usually occurs around the same time each day. Mid-morning around 9-10 and I usually feel it if I am sitting down and kind of leaning forward. It's as if baby is getting kind of squished in that position and s/he is trying to let me know.

If this is the baby moving, then it is the coolest thing I have ever experienced. It makes me smile just to think about it.

I sent my rented Doppler back about 2 weeks ago but couldn't stand not being able to hear the heartbeat. So, I rented another one (it's only $24 a month!) and got it today. Sure enough, the heart is beating away and now you can even hear the different chambers beating. Also, the baby was definitely moving. It sounds like a little blip on the Doppler when that happens. So I know for a fact that baby is alive and moving. That peace of mind means a lot.

I am so excited!! I can't wait for the kicks and punches to get stronger and I can't wait for my husband to be able to feel it.

In other baby news, we find out baby's sex on December 16. It seems like a lifetime away. I really want to know NOW. My instinct is telling me boy. Probably because that ultrasound tech already said it was a boy (ugh, I wish she would have kept her mouth shut on that speculation since it was way too early to tell!). But I also have other reasons to think it's a boy. Stupid reasons not based in science.

#1: I didn't have bad morning sickness. The old wive's tale is that the worse the m/s, the more likely it is to be a girl (proven wrong to me by countless women before, but....)
#2: This baby is already moving quite a bit. One person just recently told me that she was able to feel her first moving quite early in the pregnancy too. He was a boy. (But come to think of it, my mom thought my sister Kelly was a boy for the same reason.)
#3: Whenever I hear the heartbeat via Doppler I always say to myself, "he's still in there."

So, yes, my reasons are dumb and I am aware of that. But I am a little bit afraid that I will be DISAPPOINTED if it turns out to be a girl. I need to prepare myself for girl, but I really don't know how to do that.

If you saw the look on my husband's face when I told him the ultrasound tech thought it was a boy at 12 weeks, you would understand why I am hoping for a boy. (Not that he wouldn't love and be excited about a girl too, but...)

Obama is our next President!

I'm not going to write anything hugely profound here. I just want to say that I am extremely happy that Obama won the election. I think it is a great thing that my first born child is going to be born into an Obama Presidency. Although McCain won by a landslide in my state, I am terribly happy that the other states were able to carry us to victory.

Hooray!!!!!!!

-from a liberal white girl living in rural Kentucky and often quite out of her element 'round these parts ;)

Oh man, I rock!

I am getting a thimerosal-free flu shot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO RELIEVED. The pediatrician's office will let me get one of theirs. Oh man oh man oh man...

I am ELATED!

How funny. I spent the ENTIRE day yesterday stressing out over this. And I mean major stress. I researched on the internet all day. I dreamt about flu shots. I cried about it. I couldn't talk about anything other than this to anyone who crossed my path.

And it ended up working out. (Thanks to my hard work and a lengthy search.)

Same thing for child care. My mother is going to watch the baby until s/he is 8 months old. This means we have until next December to find a permanent babysitter/day care. I feel so much better about leaving my infant child with my own MOTHER than a total stranger. And maybe by the time the baby is 8 months old I will feel OK about moving them to the whole day care thing. Plus, that gives us more time to find someone we are comfortable with AND it means that the original babysitter we wanted may end up working out afterall. (As a sidenote, I did not pressure my mother into this. She is insisting that she wants to watch the baby. And I am insisting that I pay her. I am not a spoiled brat--well, I probably am, but I try not to be. I know I am incredibly lucky to have this opportunity for my child. I cannot pass it up.)

So, the lesson that I should learn from these two "stories" is that it will work out and I don't need to get all freaked out from the get-go. I should have more faith in myself and my ability to get things done. It does take work, but I can do it one phone call at a time. ;) How cheesy is THAT?!

I'm sorry. I'm just so damn excited about that flu shot. ;)

The Next Dilemma

The flu shot. Highly recommended for pregnant women. Impossible to find thimerosal-free.

Thimerosal is mercury. It's that preservative they've been adding to vaccines for a long time. It's also controversial. You know...thanks to Jenny McCarthy, this has been put into the lime light in recent years. Autism is on the rise and a lot of parents blame their children's vaccines as pushing them over the edge into Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). It makes sense. But there have simply been no studies that show a link to ASD and vaccinations. It's all just speculation at this point. Kind of a mass hysteria if you ask me. The CDC will tell you that their studies do not link the two and the parents will tell you the CDC is only protecting their own interests.

And as a parent to be, it's kind of hard to know who or what to believe. I tend to lean towards the CDC. I like to think I am an optimist about our government and our country. I in no way believe that there is a mass conspiracy going on about these vaccinations (the government couldn't pull that off even if they were that evil). I truly believe that the doctors and scientists of our country are honestly looking for a specific link to autism. And I believe that they have not found the smoking gun. That's kind of scary.

So what do I do? Do I get the recommended flu shot? I want to. I feel like it is the responsible thing to do. If I do get the flu this season I will probably be in my third trimester. And pregnant women get more complications from the flu. If I get the flu, I could DEFINITELY be putting my child at risk. In fact, I just read that flu exposure in pregnant women is being studied as a link to autism! WTF?! So much conflicting evidence out there...

So here is what I know. If I do not get the flu shot I have a better chance of getting the flu. If I do get the flu, there is proof that it could really cause me some serious problems and possibly even harm the baby. If I do get the flu shot, I could still get the flu, although my chances are obviously lower. I would be exposing my baby to thimerosal, which some people say can be a link to autism. Some people say = they really don't know.

I am opting for the shot. My doctor recommends it. A lot of ob-gyn's require it. But to clear my conscience, I have searched high and low for a thimerosal-free shot. They do make them, but they are impossible to find. In fact, 7 states have imposed legislation that requires pregnant women to be vaccinated with the mercury-free version (not mine, of course). So they are out there. But nowhere near me. I have called TN, IL, IN, and all around KY. My own physican will not order me a thimerosal-free shot. Said they are too expensive (yeah $4 more per shot...oooh!!!).

I have one last call out to a pediatrician's office. They have the shots!! BUT, they will only give them to children 3 and under. I left a message with their office manager asking if they would be willing to give a pregnant woman one of these shots. Technically, my baby is 3 and under. Just not officially HERE yet....We'll see what they say. I doubt they will let me. They will probably recommend I talk to my regular physician about it. Gee, thanks. Already done that.

I am making parental decisions before I even know what the sex of my child is and I am finding that they are very hard. Child care and vaccinations are both really scary things to me. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and regret it for the rest of my life.

The problem is, you don't know if you are making the right decision and you never will. Even if my child ends up with autism, I have no proof that the flu shot I got while pregnant was the cause. No proof at all. I hate going on "faith". I want science. Guess that means I will be going with the CDC and getting my recommended flu shot this year, just as I always do.

I am just SICK over child care

I knew the sitter was too good to be true. I knew something had to give. Well, it did. I called her today and she said that she was probably getting a baby in June and therefore wouldn't be able to help us out.

This sitter sounded like a DREAM. One of my friends recommended her to me. She cares for children in her home. 5-7 kids at a time and only one baby at a time. She would charge only $75-85 per week. And when I asked my friend if she could think of any complaints about this sitter, she sat there for a second and finally said, "No, I pretty much think she's perfect. I just wish she lived in my neighborhood." So I was pretty much stoked that I was gonna get such a good sitter who was trustworthy and HIGHLY recommended to watch my infant four days a week. Every question and concern I had about her my friend would quickly dispel with encouraging facts about the way she worked. I was so relieved about it all, since day care was one of my biggest concerns as a mother-to-be. It all seemed too good to be true. And I guess it was.

Now I am looking at day care facilities. Day Care Centers are awful. The best you can expect around here is six babies to one caregiver. And this one caregiver is someone you won't know anything about. I don't understand how one person can care for six crying babies at once and give them the personal attention they need. Jon and Kate couldn't even do that with their own six babies. They always had outside help...plus each other. I'm in extreme distress over this. My child is going to be put into a baby factory. Not only is my 8 week old child going to a place like this (pictured above is one of the best places in my town), but I am going to have to pay MORE. $60-80 a week more, in fact. PLUS, I have to fill out applications, pay an application fee and get on a WAITING list.

My sister worked at a day care facility not too long ago. She said that the baby room was very depressing. Babies were crying and the caregivers picked their favorites. They would just let the babies cry forever. She tells me that she would NEVER send her child to a place like this. And the same friend who recommended the sitter said that she has talked to people who have worked in day care facilities too. She said that they would often put babies in closets and close the doors because they wouldn't stop crying. Yet, this is my only choice. What else can I do? I can't quit my job. Jeremy and I depend on both of our incomes to pay our bills. Our house payment is just as low as rent would be too, so it's not like we could just downsize.

I don't guess our baby will have a very good start to his or her life. I'm already a horrible parent.