Big Baby???

DH and I went in for our 38 week appointment on Tuesday. After waiting around for more than an hour, I got to see the doctor who is always so good at reassuring me about everything. I guess he did...I feel better about GBS and the use of Pitocin, epidurals, etc. I still want to try for as natural as I can manage, but now maybe I won't feel like a failure if I end up with the dreaded Pitocin. At the end of my appointment he felt my stomach and said I was measuring 40 weeks instead of the 38 that I am. So he sent me off for an ultrasound to make sure all was well.

The ultrasound showed a healthy baby GIRL (phew...she's still JANE). She was taking practice breaths and you could see her little abdomen moving up and down. That was cool. She's so scrunched up in there that it's really hard to make much of anything out at this point. She is head down for sure (YAY!), but she is still very high and hasn't dropped yet. My amniotic fluid levels were "great", so I don't have to worry about that just yet either. The tech took some measurements and the computer estimated Jane to be at 8 pounds right now. That would mean that if she were born in week 40, she might be a 9-pounder. We will see though. I don't necessarily think she is. I know of way too many people who have had these predictions be off by more than a pound. Even the u/s tech told us the weight estimates are not very reliable this late in the game. Most tend to overestimate the weight, although I have also heard of them UNDERestimating the weight. I hope that's not the case for me.

It was neat to get to see Jane again. It's still weird to me that she is in there. And I still have a hard time believing I am going to be a mother in a few short weeks.

Another new week

I am bored, bored, bored. I am caught up at work. I'm basically ready to go on maternity leave at the drop of a hat. That's great news, actually. I have been SO STRESSED OUT over training my temporary replacements (that's right...it takes TWO people to replace me!), so now that this is taken care of, I should feel immense relief. I guess I do.

Not only am I bored at work, but I am bored at home. Jane's room is ready. And there are just a few odds and ends left on my "to do before baby" list. And from that list, I can't really do any of those things. They are all things I have to get my husband to do. I mean, I can't even wash dishes at this point. Well, I can...but my stomach is in the way and I have to lean all funny over the sink and it hurts my back really bad...so I just don't. My husband is still doing about 95% of our housework, bless his heart.

So what can I do? I can lie on the couch. I am OK at that, although even that is pretty uncomfortable. If I want to change positions, it's a big ordeal. If I want to stand up, it's sometimes a two person job. My core is just gone. I am having to rely on arms and legs to get into that upright position. It's quite the scene.

We got our new camcorder at the end of last week. I have already recorded the nursery and showed it to my grandparents over the holiday weekend. They liked it. :) It's amazing how horrible your voice always sounds on video/tape. UGH. I am a whiny, out of breath, shaky voiced thing. PLUS, my face actually has that "pregnant look" to it on video. Now, when I look in the mirror, I don't feel like I have that look. But I guess the camera does not lie. I have a definite double chin, and just that overall puffiness that pregnant women sometimes get. It isn't out of control...yet. Oh well, what can you do? I have some friends who I think delight in the fact that I may get puffy. Gee, thanks. However, still no stretch marks so ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Tell someone who got stretch marks in their pregnancy that you have yet to see one, and they will hate you. GUARANTEED. (I'm still knocking on wood that I don't get them...I know several girls who didn't see one until the very end...)

So this week is another week of nothing. I have a prenatal appointment tomorrow at 10:30 and our new window blinds should be in within a few days. That's pretty much my week. Maybe Jane will decide it's time for her birthday, but I seriously doubt it. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow, so she is very much 100% TERM right now. Do you hear that Jane? You can come out now! We are all ready!!!!!!!

In the Teens! and 37W Appointment Disaster/Rant

Just 19 days until my due date. Well, that's what I am saying at least.

If you go according to when I ovulated, it is only 18 days. Fertilityfriend.com says so. And, to be quite honest, I believe FF. I was charting my temps for MONTHS on that site. So, if anyone knows me, it's FF.

If you go according to one of my earlier ultrasounds, which I am, it is 19 days.

If you go according to my doctors, who refuse to admit that a woman can ovulate on any day OTHER than CD14, it is 21 days. Why is it that the doctors are the morons here? They refuse to change your EDD (estimated due date) unless an ultrasound shows that they are more than 1 week off. This has driven me crazy my entire pregnancy. Why can't they just give me the 3 days and SAY my EDD is 4/29. 5/1 is NOT right!!!

Oh well. Doesn't really matter. Baby will come when she comes. It's HER decision.

My mom's due date with me was April 29 too and I wasn't born until May 3. So, it's a very real possibility that my first born daughter will also be born on May 3. My 30th birthday. Creepy or cool? I don't know. ;)

I have been having a terrible time sleeping this last trimester and it's only getting worse. Last night I got up to pee 8 times. It's always right before I fall asleep too. I will get up to pee (and where is all this pee coming from?!) and then lie back down...5 minutes later I am peeing again. Sheesh!

My 37 week appointment this week was a complete disaster. First of all, I get there and as usual, I get very nervous. This is horrible to admit, but I feel like a little girl when I go there. I am so fat and ugly right now, and when I talk to people and they give me their undivided attention, I get really WEIRD feeling. I know they are looking at me and judging me and my face turns BRIGHT RED and I start shaking and sweating. WHY? I am almost 30 years old. Why do I still feel this way? So anyway, they take my blood pressure. It's 140/100. Nice way to start the appointment. They had me lie on my left side (very uncomfortable on these half bed examining tables with only a small sheet covering my nether regions and my bare arse sticking out towards the door while my left arm falls asleep) then they retook my BP. It was 98/63. Further proof that my nerves really affect my physiology. So, I guess that is good. My BP wasn't really elevated.

The doctor who I saw is very young. She doesn't look much older than I am. I have a very hard time trusting someone my age to be my Ob-Gyn. I guess that is agism, but so be it. She just returned from her own maternity leave, so I thought she may be pretty cool and understanding. She wasn't. She rushed me and really brushed off a lot of my questions. I hate it when they do that. This will be the doctor who is on call when I deliver. I guarantee it!

The week before, the midwife at the practice told me that baby's head was "right there", I was 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Well this time, the doctor told me the baby's head was still high, I was BARELY 1 cm dilated and only 25% effaced. ***punch in the gut*** I went backwards?! Sigh...I was so excited about being 1 cm/50%. In the grand scheme of things, none of that matters. You can be 0 cm dilated and still go into labor within hours. It's just kind of defeating I guess. I think the doctor should have lied to me. ;) Of course, it's all a matter of perception/opinion and each person who checks you will tell you something different. Alas...

Next blow was that I have a yeast infection. Lovely. She gave me Diflucan to take. Look up Diflucan online and it says that pregnant women should not take it. I mentioned this to her and she said, "I wouldn't give you anything that would hurt your baby." Yep, I offended her. Heaven forbid a patient have knowledge and question their doctor.

FINALLY, as the doctor left the room to write my prescription (took her like 10 minutes to write this prescription) I took a look at my chart. At the top it had GBS + circled. Well, the week before I had been tested for GBS. It's a normal bacteria that live in the lower intestinal tract and/or vaginas of about 30% of the population. It causes no problems for the carrier, but can be fatal to babies if they contract it, since their little immune systems are so new. UM....why didn't they mention this to me?! Well, when she came back in I mentioned it and she said, oh yeah you will just need to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics when you go into labor. No big deal.

Well, I am glad they think it's no big deal. But look up GBS online and you will get scared to death (yes, I know...stop looking online!!!). The odds are very small that the baby will contract GBS. Especially with the antibiotics I will receive while in labor. However, now my entire birth plan is screwed up. I had planned on laboring at home for as long as possible. I wanted to go to the hospital with little time to spare so they wouldn't hook me up to machines, slow my labor down, mark me as "failure to progress", administer Pitocin, which would lead to an epidural, which would slow the baby's heart rate AND the labor itself even more, and in the end, I would end up with a C-section. Yes, this is the worst case scenario, but it's the one my brain goes to first.

Now, I will have to go into the hospital as soon as my water breaks (if it breaks) or much sooner than I would have if it does not break. Well, how will I know how long this labor is going to last? I need 4-6 hours of being on the antibiotics before they actually work. I know that most first-time moms have longer labors, but I have heard of many who had quite short labors. What if I am one of those? I've been going to a chiropractor three times a week and one of his claims is that he can shorten your labor. I know of 3 other first-time moms who went to a chiropractor and none of them labored over 4 hours from start to finish. So now I am left with WISHING for a longer labor. That's just wrong.

Anyway, I am very much annoyed with this GBS+ outcome. It's kind of sent me into a sort of depression. I know nobody's birth plan ever works out the way they want it to, but I already feel defeated before I've even begun.

And I wish I could just stop stressing out over the labor. It's all I think about lately. I have been reading books, writing and revising my "birth plan" and basically going over and over all of the potential outcomes in my head. It's exhausting work planning for something that cannot be predicted. I just hope that EVERYTHING doesn't go wrong and at least 1 or 2 things go my way. Mainly, that I end up with a healthy baby girl. Gosh, it's surreal. This entire pregnancy is just a dream. The fact that I may come out of this a MOMMY is simply amazing to me.

**Oh yeah, another bad thing about the appointment was that I had gained 4 pounds in one week. Um...my weight gain is supposed to be SLOWING down at this point. If I don't gain another pound I will be happy. That will put my total pregnancy weight gain at 35 pounds (and we will ignore the 20 pounds I gained while TRYING to conceive). Please no more. Guess that means no more ice cream/potato chip binges (oops).**

Feeling down :(

With 20 days until my due date, I am feeling surprisingly depressed. I don't really know why either. Maybe it's because 20 days seems like a REALLY LONG time away. I tested positive for Group B Strep and this means that I will have to show up at the hospital much sooner than I had planned in order to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics for my entire labor. This has me seriously unhappy. My "birth plan" is already screwed up because of it. Getting online and reading about GBS makes you terrified as you read about stillborns and severely disabled babies too. Another thing I have to worry about.

Sigh.......I just feel like I am NEVER going to have this baby. And then when I do have her, I will only get to spend 8 weeks with her before I ship her off to another caregiver and go back to my crappy job (which isn't so crappy, really, but compared to being at home raising my child, any job is crappy).

I can't sleep at night because I am so uncomfortable. I know this is not helping my current anxiety/depression situation.

And, there is just something that I can't place. Something feels not right. Not necessarily with the baby, but with ME. I hope this isn't the start of postpartum depression. Maybe it's not. I mean, my life is seriously on hold right now. I can't DO anything until this baby gets here. Well, other than WORRY MYSELF TO DEATH.

Gosh, if I could give my daughter one trait it would be her father's temperament. I hope she doesn't have the anxiety/worry/fears that I do. It's not a fun way to be.

What is good in my world

1. My husband
2. My future child, even if she refuses to remove her feet and/or butt from my ribcage.
3. We are getting new mini blinds installed soon! I may be way too excited about this.
4. Barack Obama is our President.
5. My sister is engaged.
6. My friends...I finally feel secure enough in myself to actually HAVE friends that I don't dislike. (I hope I never have to go back to high school.)
7. My mom
8. This economy isn't really affecting us all that much. We both have stable jobs and are living comfortably (for now...wait until I see just how much babies cost)
9. Lost - I don't care if it's lame to like a TV show so much. This show gets me through my weeks!
10. I like where I live.
11. Springtime!!!!!!!!
12. Destin 2010