Feeling down :(

With 20 days until my due date, I am feeling surprisingly depressed. I don't really know why either. Maybe it's because 20 days seems like a REALLY LONG time away. I tested positive for Group B Strep and this means that I will have to show up at the hospital much sooner than I had planned in order to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics for my entire labor. This has me seriously unhappy. My "birth plan" is already screwed up because of it. Getting online and reading about GBS makes you terrified as you read about stillborns and severely disabled babies too. Another thing I have to worry about.

Sigh.......I just feel like I am NEVER going to have this baby. And then when I do have her, I will only get to spend 8 weeks with her before I ship her off to another caregiver and go back to my crappy job (which isn't so crappy, really, but compared to being at home raising my child, any job is crappy).

I can't sleep at night because I am so uncomfortable. I know this is not helping my current anxiety/depression situation.

And, there is just something that I can't place. Something feels not right. Not necessarily with the baby, but with ME. I hope this isn't the start of postpartum depression. Maybe it's not. I mean, my life is seriously on hold right now. I can't DO anything until this baby gets here. Well, other than WORRY MYSELF TO DEATH.

Gosh, if I could give my daughter one trait it would be her father's temperament. I hope she doesn't have the anxiety/worry/fears that I do. It's not a fun way to be.