Time is standing STILL

I have now caught up at work so well that I am actually ahead. That's great....but now I am BORED BORED BORED during the day.

So now that I am bored to death, with absolutley nothing to do with myself but wait for the baby, I am going to write a bunch of meaningless, nothing blogs to keep myself occupied. Once the baby gets here I am betting I won't be writing nearly as much, although at that time I will probably have tons more interesting to say.

I haven't had many dreams about my baby this pregnancy. But recently, I have had a few and they are DISTURBING. In every dream, something is majorly wrong with her. But it always ONLY has to do with her looks. Last night I dreamt she was just like an alien...weird notches in her head and HUGE floppy ears. And I didn't like her. I was scared of her because of the way she looked. This bothers me. I guess I'm pretty shallow and just hoping she "looks" normal. I don't know. I hate the waiting.

My patience level has dropped off to nothing now. (Not that I was ever super patient.) Everything my husband does gets on my nerves. I mean, I have no reason for this. He is doing nothing wrong. But, I am just so irritable I want to wring his neck! I guess it's hormones. But I am so uncomfortable all of the time that I can't sleep, I can't sit, I can't lie on the couch. I can't do ANYTHING without feeling miserable and quite pathetic.

And my self esteem right now is in the gutter. My work had a going away party for a co-worker of mine and pictures were taken. I got myself all made up and thought I was looking pretty cute. Boy was I wrong. The pictures show an entirely different story. Now, I know I am pregnant and I have a big belly. I am totally fine with my belly/ass/hips being ginormous. It's my face that sets me back. I have a fat, bloated pregnancy face at this point and it makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH to see. I don't know why I don't notice it when I look in the mirror. It's only on film that I look this way (in my delusional mind, that is). And then while at this party, a co-worker said, "your hands are really swollen, aren't they?" Uh....NO!!!!! I certainly don't think they are. Guess they are just fat. Gee, thanks for that! It's very disheartening to see how I look. ESPECIALLY when you compare yourself to other preggo's who looked like supermodels with the exception of their cute little baby bumps their entire pregnancies. You know...the ones who get the pregnancy "glamour shots" taken...looking off into the distance holding their cute little tummies with nothing but a sheet draped around their petite little frames, covering their breasts with their hands. Excuse me while I go vomit.

I think I would just like to go hide until she gets here. I just want her to GET HERE so that I can move on with my life. Jeremy and I are completely motionless right now. We are stuck until Jane comes.