UglyFatSleepDeprivedBlues

So....

I'm not depressed. 

But I'm something.

(Maybe chronically sleep deprived.)

I just feel a little off lately.  The warmer temperatures really helped me last week but it's been cloudy the last few days and that makes me sort of morose.  Glum.  Down. 

It probably really is sleep deprivation.  Amazing how after a good night I feel so jubilant.  But we haven't had a good night in a week or so.  Jane got her first cold two weeks ago.  The first night she couldn't breath at all so I had to sit with her in the rocker all night long.  I got maybe an hour of sleep and Jane didn't fare much better.  But the night after that she slept probably 6 hours IN A ROW.  I was floored.  I woke up at 3a.m. out of habit and couldn't fall back to sleep until 5ish due to the fact that I just knew she was going to wake up any minute.  So, her good nights are so few and far between that I am so shocked by them that I can't sleep when they occur.  Catch 22 I guess. 

But Jane's cold lasted like 1.5 days and she recovered so well.  She's a healthy little thing!  And now she's really starting to try and walk more so that has destroyed what little progress we were making on her sleep.  She has no off switch and will try and get up in the middle of the night.  Last night it was nearly every hour.  It's like I'm parenting an infant.  Oh well.  I wouldn't trade her for a good sleeper because then she wouldn't be my JANE anymore. 

I'm also feeling that kind of icky way you feel when you know you are fat but you don't want to deal with it but it keeps coming across your mind anyway.  I caught a glimpse of myself on our computer camera the other day and before I recognized it was me, I thought, EW she doesn't look so good.  I'm really W I D E.  Barf.  So I am starting a jogging program even though I hate jogging and always have even when I was really thin (for me) and fit in my mid 20's (how is it that my mid-20's are already over?).  And really I need to watch what I eat because I could work out all day and not lose a pound.  My diet really determines whether I lose weight or not.  I know this.  Yet, I keep eating.  I went to bed hungry last night and that is what I have to do in order to lose weight.  So, it's a start. 

I am also in desperate need of a hair cut, new clothes (Nothing fits me.  It's either too small or too big.), and a mani/pedi.  My husband the other day wanted to, um...do it, and my first response was, "what is wrong with you?  I'm hideous.  Something must really be wrong with you if you want to have sex with ME!" 

So after writing my blog, I am now convinced I am suffering from a case of the "I'm Ugly, Fat and Sleep Deprived Blues".  At least now I know. 

So my plan of action to combat my UglyFatSleepDeprivedBlues: 

• getting a haircut on Thursday
• starting my jogging program (day after tomorrow, I promise!)
• eating less, especially no more late night snacking
• buying some new clothes (I have no idea when I am going to manage to go clothes shopping for myself.  Never?)
• getting a mani/pedi (I will never do this.  No time and can't justify the expense)
• getting Jane to sleep better (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...)