I'm a Bad Neighbor, A Petty Person, and Come to Think of It, Nobody's Friend

We have very nice neighbors.  Last Spring and Summer when we are all outside we talked to them a bit, but we aren't overly friendly.  I don't know their last name.  I know their FIRST names though, which is a big improvement from the way we (DH and I) used to be.  That house has had many (OK, three) renters come and go and we never took the time to get to know most of them, although they have all been very nice families.  We are quite honestly, bad neighbors.  Until now, we were childless and had nothing in common with the people who live not 10 yards away from us.  We've been invited over a few times by the neighbors across the street for barbecues, parties, etc.  I NEVER WENT.  Not once.  Now those neighbors have moved away and we are left with an empty house and the fear that insane, crazy people are going to move in.  I curse myself for not being friendlier to the prior neighbors.  I have a very hard time making friends and putting myself out there.  So much so that I can't even stop by their house for a party simply because I am the most socially awkward being alive and afraid of ________.  I don't know what I am afraid of.  Seriously.  I'm really bad.  What's maybe even EXTRA embarrassing is that 3-4 of the neighbors on our street seem to be good friends and are always out talking to each other and visiting each other's houses.  We just keep our heads down, go inside and shut the door (or we did pre-Jane).  Nice.  Now, I will give myself a little bit of slack because those friend-neighbors all have children around the same age.  Maybe that is how people "bond".  ??

So, most of our neighbors are great people.   

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Well, there is one exception.  The red-necks people humans ones across the street and over one house.  Yeah, don't like them so much.  They are the ones who set off fireworks all night long on the 4th of July...or NYE...or just any time it's considered semi-OK to shoot fireworks.  They are the ones who have people coming and going all the time.  You never know who lives there, who is squatting there and who is just stopping in to buy some drugs (I am 100% positive the dude who knocked up the 16-year old drop-out that lives there is dealing.).  They are the ones who have a pit bull who gets lose and literally kills other neighbors' dogs and who lock this dog up in an itty bitty cage outside (mandated by the City after one of the attacks) to bark all night long.  Actually, I think after the latest killing, that dog was put to sleep.  At least I hope so.  May he rest in peace. (smirk) They are also the ones who have cops stopping by probably twice a month.  I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood hates them.  Well, I know for a fact the entire neighborhood hates them (since Jane has been born I have ventured out and had a few conversations with our neighbors...just for fun.)  One time they put up a "For Sale" sign and we were all so happy, but they never sold.  Probably because the house is in a state of disrepair.  Boo. 
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ANYWAY.

Now that the house across the street is up for sale I am constantly checking out the cars who stop by to look.  Do they look nice?  Do they play loud music?  Do they have kids?  Are they trashy?  I am completely judgmental.  I am terrified we're going to get awful neighbors.  But I vow to be nice to them.  I vow to introduce myself to them and bring them "welcome to the neighborhood cookies".  I am really going to try to be better about it.  Because it would really be nice to have friends, you know. 

Speaking of friends, my husband and I have been in this town (my HOMEtown) for nine years and have ZERO good friends here to show for it.  My husband is just as bad as I am, if not worse.  He has yet to make any friends at all.  I at least have made some friends at work (although my closest work friend is moving to Nashville in June).  But we don't have any close friends.  And I can't tell you why other than I guess we are petty people who don't know HOW.  We find major flaws with 99% of the people we have met.  We are in a decent sized town, but there just isn't much here.  We don't know where the educated people (who don't just want to recruit you to their church) hang out.  I took Jane to the park a week ago, hoping to find some "mommy friends" but everyone there was just complete trash.  Seriously, they were smoking around their kids and that is one of my MAJOR pet peeves.  You don't do that.  I had to leave just to get out of the direct line of the second-hand smoke (which I am allergic to, for the record.)  There was one family there that looked really nice.  I gave the mom some "come hither" smiles and was nice to her, but no numbers were exchanged.  I don't know how to "court" when it comes to friendship.

I am baffled by those who have many friends.  Maybe I should take the hint.  Maybe I don't have friends because *I* am the one who is crappy.  If that's the case, it's a shame, because there ain't no changing me now.  (For the record, I used ain't to be cute.  I don't say ain't.  Seriously, that's just improper grammar people.)

I guess my only hope is that we are forced into it by Jane. I hope that as she gets older and into activities we become friends with some of her peers' parents.

Is that the way it works?