I'm sad again today. Yeah, you guessed it. It's about not being pregnant. I was doing really well this week, but not today. I am wondering why some people get pregnant so easily. Why haven't I? Why why why?? I'm really discouraged. I am feeling as though it will just NEVER happen. I know the statistics say that on average, it can take a couple 6-12 months to conceive. But that isn't what I am seeing on my message boards. I am seeing a lot of 1-3 month-ers posting BFPs on the boards. I should probably stay away from them, but I am shamefully addicted. And seeing that stuff just makes me feel so abnormal. So sterile, infertile, barren....whatever. Sometimes I really hate myself. I'm really angry. I'm mad at myself, mad at the gods, mad at all of those anonymous pregnant women in the world. I feel like throwing a fit.
Well, I am trying to be normal. I have a massage scheduled for 3:30 today and DH and I are going to spend the weekend in Louisville on a mini holiday. Plus, I have continued to stay on my 100mg of Zoloft daily. I am hoping that in doing these things I can "relax" enough to actually get pregnant this month. But I know I should just be doing these things for the sake of doing them. Not with some ulterior motive involved.
I am betting I won't get pregnant this month either. Anyone care to make a wager??
Ugh. I hate myself.
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