I Hate Your Guts, Do You Want to Have Sex?

Last night was great.  Jane did excellent.  In fact, she did so well that I woke up at 3 am and was so excited by the fact that she fell straight back to sleep after nursing that I couldn't get back to sleep until 5 am.  All is well.  These sleep phases will come and go.  The Attachment Parenting board on ivillage has kept me sane.  Sometimes all you need to hear is, "Been there, done that.  This too shall pass.  Your child is normal.  You are doing a GREAT job.  Stop second guessing yourself." 

In other news...(I lied.  There is no other news.  That is just my way to moving on to a different subject.)

Never in my life have my husband and I argued like we do now.  It is kind of funny.  Neither of us holds grudges or else we'd be looking for a divorce attorney right now.  In the throes of sleep deprivation you say things.  You definitely mean them, but you forget quickly.  I have called my husband a complete jerk and an asshole and basically said I hate you many times in the last few months.  Heh heh heh.  Yeah, it's true at the time.  Yes, I MEAN it when I say it.  Now I get how children cause arguments.  Hellacious ones.  You argue over stupid things because neither of you know what you are doing or know how to fix the situation.  Who else do you get to tell that you hate their guts to and that they are a horrible parent only to "forget" about it 10 minutes later?  It's true.  

Now I am sure there are people out there who find this deplorable.  How could I have a healthy relationship when I am telling my husband that I hate his guts at 3am?  Well, I do and we do.  We have one of the healthier relationships I've ever seen.  We talk.  We fight.  We laugh about it.  We forget.  It's nice, really.  I have never been one to put my relationship on a pedestal.  I know others who refer to their marriage as an "entity".  No I can't go out this weekend, I need to work on my "marriage".  Those people are mostly divorced now.  They take themselves so seriously that they forget to LET THINGS GO. 

If there is one thing I like about myself and my husband it is the whole "not holding grudges" thing.  Now if he went out on the town one night, got totally plastered and had sex with a random woman I would say it is OK to hold a grudge (at least for a day or two).  But the basic, everyday stuff I can and do let go. 

Sometimes when he says to me (and he totally means it and I am totally quoting him here), "you are the most horrible person I have ever met,"  we both just break out into laughter.  It's completely hilarious because we both know that he means it and that he still doesn't care.  Now that, my friends, must be love.  Or something like it.