I'm a Vampire

So I haven't been feeling the best lately.  In fact, since Jane was born my body seems to be slowly falling apart.  I went to the doctor recently and they did some bloodwork.  Apparently my vitamin D levels are that of a 98 year-old Muslim woman who covers her body in fabric from head-to-toe and never leaves the house to venture in the sun.  5.7.  That is my Vitamin D level.  Low normal is 32.  My doctor said it was the lowest he's ever seen; that he's seen some numbers in the teens but never FIVE POINT SEVEN (*I am aware I probably misused the semicolon in prior sentence...I never can tell when it's called for).  Nice.  This explains why I can hardly walk.  It explains why my muscles ache and my bones and tendons creak.  It explains why my blood pressure has been going up and my legs cramp up every night ALL night.  It explains why I feel so completely drained and why I have been getting weird tension headaches nightly for the past 8ish months and why I can't remember to close my car door upon leaving the vehicle. 

At least I know.  Now my hypochondria and Dr. Google has left me petrified that I am going to die of cancer, MS, and osteoporosis and that I have done irreparable damage to myself and will never fully recuperate.  Supposedly I can correct this deficiency with massive doses of Vitamin D.  I hope this is true.  It may take me all year to get back to "low normal" though.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm looking forward to being in pain all winter long.  Most definitely.

And let me say this: I think this is a failure on the part of my ob-gyn.  Pregnancy depletes you of vitamins and minerals.  It takes a lot to grow another person.  Breastfeeding depletes you even more.  Now WHY didn't someone tell me I should be taking waaaaaay more Vitamin D than my silly pre-natal vitamin has in it?!  WHY didn't anyone think to check my levels until now?  I've been in misery all year long.  I've been to the chiropractor many times thinking that the cause of this pain was because my right leg is shorter than my left.  Gee, thanks a lot medical community!  Once again, you've outdone yourself. 

***EDITED TO ADD:  Although, yes, I am a vampire, I do not know Edward Cullen or any members of the Cullen family.  Sorry.